- Jaclyn Hill has returned to YouTube and social media to explain her disappearance throughout January 2020.
- In the 37-minute video, she addressed followers' bullying over her weight gain and rumors of fillers, explaining that her facial "swelling" was instead due to excessive drinking as a "self-medication" technique for anxiety and depression following her business failure of 2019.
- She shared a further health update, describing 19 days of being unable to leave her house due to influenza B, a sinus infection, and a further infection which caused side-effects of delirium and blood-vomiting, describing a trip to hospital as a "wake-up call."
For most of us, 2019 wasn't the best year. For YouTuber and brand founder Jaclyn Hill, however, it was a whole new level of awful.
To catch you up: In May 2019, Jaclyn announced the launch of her new makeup brand Jaclyn Hill Cosmetics, releasing a line of nude lipsticks after teasing fans for five years. But weeks later, she was accused of selling expired products when videos and images surfaced of customers finding unknown fibers, holes, small "plastic" balls, and what appeared to be "metal" fragments, buried in the formula.
At the time she denied all claims and blamed the situation on various external circumstances, namely the cotton gloves worn by the factory workers handling her products.
But around a week and a half later, when followers began to post older videos of Hill swatching her lipsticks and claiming she'd spotted fibers in her own samples, she was forced to offer refunds to everyone who purchased a lipstick from the range, telling fans she was "disappointed in herself."
This week, she has returned to "connect" with her audience and "talk" about where she has been "mentally, physically, emotionally."
While applying a full face of makeup, she described the physical health challenges she faced throughout January, including influenza B, a sinus infection, and a further infection which caused her to vomit blood and delirium.
She also described the anxiety and depression she felt after the failure of her business and while feeling isolated in what she calls a "two-faced" L.A, saying, "Depression is a really real thing, and it takes people’s lives, and I don’t talk about it lightly."
Finally, she addressed consistent rumors of fillers and critiques of her changing weight and face shape, sharing that the reason for her facial swelling was due to excessive drinking in a bid to "self-medicate" her anxiety and depression.
"I was in such a state of panic—it was just such a messy year, and at the end of the day, to cope with my anxiety and my depression, I turned to alcohol and started drinking to fix what I was healing mentally...It was just dark, and I turned to alcohol. And so when I would start to get anxiety, I just immediately am like 'I need a shot, I need a drink, I need a cocktail,' I just numb it. Instead of using a Xanax, or Valium or Adavan or whatever prescription drug, I have been using alcohol to self-medicate, and that’s why my face has been so swollen."
This isn't the first time Jaclyn has taken a break from social media and making videos—in the summer of last year she deleted/deactivated her social media accounts, before returning in July to apologize and set the record straight.
Since then, Jaclyn has been subject to bullying and criticism over her face and body. Between August and September, she repeatedly asked followers to stop commenting on her weight and scrutinizing her changing face and shut down trolls on Twitter.
In the video, she also alluded to further drama to come, saying, "[There are] Behind the scenes stuff in my personal life that I would love to talk to you guys about... But it’s like 'tea'... Like if I told you some things that were going on, you’d be like 'Oh my god!' and there’d be drama videos everywhere and I’m just not about that…"
But it seems she's taking a step back from the drama and encouraging her followers, customers, and fans to do the same, saying:
"Those of you out there who have good thoughts, who see a picture or watch a YouTube video and think something positive... Anything positive that you can bring into the world is so necessary. Because all the people who have something nasty to say? They are proud to give their opinion, so we should be too."
Who knows what's next for Jaclyn, but we're glad to hear that with the help of doctors and therapists, she's "healing" and on track for a better 2020.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.
