In a conservative country like ours, it’s no surprise that utang na loob is a valued cultural trait. Especially among families where children are often expected to treat their parents once they’ve already reached earning capacity.
Dani Barretto shares insights on Pinoys' utang na loob culture
Shedding some light on the issue, Dani Barretto offered an unfiltered take on Pinoys’ utang na loob culture in her latest podcast. She was actually conversing with Chardie B, a content creator who guested on the episode.
Chardie was discussing his life, as well as his financial struggles as a provider for his family. At one point, he had to communicate his own needs to his 'rents—cutting back on his remittance. Dani said, "I love the fact that you have open communication with your parents, but I’m sure you’re also well aware that a lot of people don’t have that. Or a lot of people in our country [are] afraid to speak up or to even set boundaries or tell their families that 'Pwede bang hatiin ko?' What can you advise those who are still afraid to speak up?"
ALSO READ: Julia Barretto Does *Not* Owe Her Dad Anything, Contrary To What Dennis Padilla Seems To Believe
To which, Chardie responded, "I think culture din talaga natin mga Pilipino, we are family-bonded. Bawal kang sumagot sa mga magulang mo, bawal kang magsalita about what you really want especially if it will affect them. Diba? I think ako for me, I had to establish myself first before ako mag-open up about it. Kasi di naman pwedeng, first sahod pa lang, mag-open up ka na about it. It’s important to establish yourself first. And kailangan mo din i-clarify mo sa parents mo why you have to do it. Because for sure you also have ambitions in life, you also have some things to buy for yourself, to reward yourself."
Dani shared her own thoughts, drawing insights from her own observations. "I’ve spoken to a lot of people, they always make excuses because they say, 'kasi malaki yung utang na loob ko sa ganto.' Di mawawala utang na loob mo sa tao. But I also stated that our parents raised us because the bible says so, and legally, they’re really supposed to care for you, to put you to school, to put a roof over your head, to feed you. That's what every parent is supposed to do."
She further explained, "Kaya nga sabi ko yung utang na loob factor is di ka pwedeng magkaron ng utang na loob sa isang bagay na dapat nilang gawin para sayo. The other things maybe, like let’s say they sacrificed this to give you this life. I get the utang na loob factor, but kasi there are some people that uses that against people. Na parang, pina-aral kita, pina-ganto kita, ganyan ganyan, kaya dapat eto yung binibigay mo sakin. And I always say that your parent is always gonna be your parent. Di naman mawawala yung pagmamahal at respeto mo sa pamilya mo, e. But for me, that line goes beyond it. Na parang, you’re my parent, you’re supposed to do that."
View this post on Instagram
As a mom, Dani makes sure to walk the talk. "Like ako, I’m a mom now. I can say that I’m required to give my kid the life that she deserves right now until she’s able to do it on her own. Diba? But not forever. But I can’t require my kid, let’s say when she has a family—I can’t require my kid na kailangan mo ako bigyan ng allowance kasi pinaaral kita. Parang, at one point, you have to fly."
Dani concluded by saying that there’s nothing wrong with being generous to your parents, but one should still know where to draw the line. "Siguro let’s just boost a little bit of confidence sa mga tao [who] are still afraid to speak up. There’s nothing wrong with giving back to your parents. I am for that, okay? Like, I will give anything for my mom, like ibibigay ko lahat. So gets ko yung giving back sa parents. But there comes a point na if wala nang natitira sayo, dun na may mali, e. So gusto ko sana i-explain sa tao na, it’s okay to leave something for yourself. You’re supposed to leave something for yourself."
Dani Barretto's relationship with her parents
Dani has always shared a tight-knit relationship with her mom Marjorie, but it’s no secret that such a connection isn’t similar to what she has with her father Kier Legaspi. Prior to her wedding, she made headlines after deciding to have only her mom walk her down the aisle. "Everything that I am, it's all because of her. She is the most deserving to walk me down the aisle," she said in a vlog, implying a fallout with her father. "My mom really raised me well. Not that I never thought I needed him. Of course, at one point in my life, I thought I needed a dad. But kung wala diyan sa harap mo, hindi mo naman puwedeng damdamin 'yon. Life goes on," she added.
In another podcast episode, she also dropped some truth bombs when asked by a letter sender about dealing with an absentee parent, stressing that love isn’t something you force. She said, "Maybe, this father na tina-try mong itukoy dito, siguro hindi yun yung priority niya. Hindi niya priority magpaka-tatay. So ikaw, at the end of the day, you only have yourself. Whatever you're dealing with in your life, let’s say if it's a mom or a dad, if they don't want to be a part of your life, you can’t force them."
"Yun lang yun. If they want nothing to do with your life, ayaw mo rin na pinipilit mo yung sarili mo paulit-ulit kasi ikaw lang din naman masasaktan dun."
