"You take the punches with the glory," Heart Evangelista shares, after revealing that due to her life being so public she struggles with having to deal with problems that crop up. The multihyphenate has recently opened up about still feeling sad still about certain things in her recent episode of Adulting with Heart and Chiz. Titled "Love, Marriage, Friendship, and How to Deal with Heartbreak," she and husband Chiz Escudero candidly opened up about their honest experiences as a married couple of eight years.
Heart revealed her biggest lesson was learning that no matter what you do in life or what you go through, regardless of "the mistakes that kind of carried you away," you always return to your family: "I take the blame, if I made a mistake then okay, I'll take all the blame, all the mistakes are made by me, it's alright. But I always pray that as long as I have my family, I'm okay because at the end of the day, when Chiz and I spoke after a long time, he said that I didn't need to say anything because he knew my heart."
Here are 13 life lessons and experiences Heart shared during her emotional episode of Adulting with Heart and Chiz:
1. Heart can't live without Chiz.
"I can lose it all, except you. I've said this many times, but I made a mistake and it's true, I should only confide in you," Heart shared. Right now, the actress is in a calmer place, and feels like everything has been "wiped clean" and is now fresh: "Really, truly, everything is for a reason."
2. Heart describes what the couple recently went through as "[something] like a crime."
"A name of a crime that I can't pinpoint. I mean, for my life, not necessarily you," she gestured at Chiz. "I think I got carried away. I should have listened to you."
Chiz had some advice he wanted to share in response. "Some people go through a phase that they think that they want to find themselves. Or, they're actually searching for themselves, when in fact they just had to look and see where they were standing before they started finding themselves."
3. Heart felt like she "lost herself," but she also holds herself accountable.
"I really feel like I did lose myself. I lost myself because I had so many voices in my life that I allowed to mold me in a certain way. I'm not blaming them, I think I also blame myself because I'm gullible. But I take all of the—I mean, I am accountable. I take all the responsibility. It was still me who pulled the trigger in the end you know?" "So to speak," Chiz was quick to interrupt and correct. "So to speak," Heart agreed. "But they helped me a lot dig my grave. Just kidding!"
4. Heart misunderstood Chiz at first, but they've since gotten over that issue.
"I think I got married to a King Solomon. Full of wisdom. I did not expect that from you," Heart revealed.
"I've always admitted that I'm—I feel like I was super nurtured and kept from a lot of things growing up. And in a sense, you also kind of shield me from certain things. But I allowed, you know, certain things to—so many, you know—and I never, I feel like I really had to go through this chapter," Heart struggled to put to words what she and Chiz went through recently.
"I hated you for the wrong reasons," she continued. "I think I looked at you as the enemy when you were actually my guardian angel the whole time. But that's what's so beautiful about you is that you saw me for my everything, through everything—but you were so steady. I thought you were emotionless, honestly. But in the end, you're still here."
5. Chiz never thought about giving up on Heart, or their relationship.
"No, I'm like Jason Mraz and his song "I Won't Give Up." That's in my playlist," Chiz laughingly shared. "No, principally because of family. That grounded me, too. That was my anchor, too."
When Heart asked Chiz if he had anything he wanted to share, or what he thought about "why did it happen like that," the senator said "everything happens for a reason. Whether it's good times or bad times, there's a reason for it always. You don't see it when you're in the middle of things, but hindsight, it's always 20/20."
"You have to get away first and see it from afar," Heart added. "Yes, because it's it's right in front of you it won't be clear and you won't be able to see it. What's important is for you to hang around long enough to be able to see it," Chiz declared.
6. Although it was a hard lesson to learn, Heart now sees the value of tough love.
"I would always hate you because of your tough love, and how you were, like you know, like a general that—you would say this and not like that, and I think I really took it the wrong way. And then you said something to me..." Heart began. "You used everything against me," Chiz chimed in.
"For me, that's my weakness. I always want somebody who's a crying shoulder...somebody that gives me touch and words of affirmation. You were just very—you've met a lot of people that have literally turned their backs on you, or stab— politics, basically. I've never. A lot of people won my heart because they were giving me the love language of touch, even to the last minute, You hear 'I love you', then it's over, you know?" Heart continued.
"But with you, I feel like—everything that I learned from you, I would actually apply. Sorry, you got entangled in this, because I think I was looking for something from you. But I'm able to apply it now. That you have to be tough." Heart declared. "As long as it improves you, it does not destroy you." Chiz reminded.
7. Heart said Chiz is now attending Fashion Week to "guide" her.
"Of course, I force him to dress up, but he's not there for that. He's there to be with me and to guide me," Heart revealed. "Now, that's why I appreciate my mom so much. She was really a royal—," Heart cut herself off, giving *a look* to the camera. "But I feel like she had to be that way because she needed to protect me. Because I give my all, and I do have my moments where I'm vulnerable. That's why I really appreciate her when I look back. And that's why he's there, too."
"But you're not gullible, that's not true...you're too trusting, babe" Chiz gently corrected her. "Gullibility and being too trusting are two different things."
To end things on a lighter note, Heart shared that Chiz isn't just at Fashion Week "to make porma," he also stitches her clothes—and he's really good! "Even when everyone who entered has left, oh my god, he should be there, all the time."
8. Heart doesn't agree with the sentiment behind "difficult times reveal true friends." She feels like it's the opposite.
"I used to think when you're down people who are with you are the ones that truly love you. It's actually the opposite. When you're up and doing very well—it's lonely to be where you are, you're busy, you're lonely. And so you want to always be with people, but then they don't really focus on you."
That's very normal for a person, Heart wants to emphasize. "It's really normal, I don't take it against them. I don't take it against anyone that would want more in life. But I feel like it is the opposite. It's not true that when you're down that's when you know who your real friends are. It's when you're up there when you know who your real friends are."
Chiz believes that circumstances should not dictate how you feel. "You should always have joy and peace regardless of your circumstances...At the end of the day, it's how you view your circumstance, and your location and what you're doing, which will dictate whether or not you will be happy."
9. Heart feels like a lemon, a "factory reject."
"Honestly, I really do. I really feel like there's something wrong with me. Or maybe like, I thought I was made for something but maybe I'm not?" Heart reflected. "When there's a defect, that's called lemon. But at the end of the day nobody's perfect. Everybody's a lemon," Chiz advised.
"I'm not pertaining to anyone. I guess in general, that's why people like to keep their circles small, because you rant about your situation when you're tired, or people around you get competitive. You feel the pressure then you start to drown and you reveal your fears and insecurities. But how do I put it to words?" Heart struggled to explain herself.
"Remember I keep on telling you, 'You define who you are. What you will do or not do should not be dictated by your perceived competitor or opponent.'" Chiz calmly stated. "So you just keep at what you're doing, what you do best. Regardless of what's out there."
At the end of the day, "it's still my fault because no matter what it was it still made me look," Heart admitted. "Yes, and you were affected by it," Chiz agreed. "I know, that's why if you're there—" Heart gestured. "Can we do it virtually? Like Zoom," Chiz asked laughingly. Heart immediately denied virtual calls, and said "I should've placed a camera, I've been telling you. So you can livestream me. For sure, I get protection," she pointedly said while Chiz laughed beside her.
10. Friendship breakups are just as (if not more) painful as romantic breakups.
"Whether it's family or someone romantically related to you, they would certainly both hurt at the same level. For me," Chiz believes. "I feel like friendship breakups hurt more," Heart added. "Even in my past, I'm always very clingy to my friends. Because I don't have a lot of friends...I've always been misunderstood, I guess...So whenever I had key people, I literally would tell them that I couldn't live without them. Although that was where I went wrong, I feel. Because I should've gone to you instead of them."
"Yes, it's painful. Because I never treat my friends like friends, I treat them like family. When you treat them like family, they know the good and the bad because you're confident that they saw your heart first, right? So it's painful for me because I can't to my husband about him, right? I rant to my friends about my husband, or whatever. So for me, it's painful because it's like I wrote all of my thoughts into a diary and they just stole it. So for me, friendships are hard."
11. Rather than outgrowing people, grow with them until the point where you continue on growing without them.
"Maybe I'm naive or gullible or stupid...I never believed in outgrowing people. I always wanted to be with the same people. That's why I take a lot of pictures. Because I feel like it's alright now to print these pictures and frame them, because they'll forever be there. Someone once told me that it's not true that people come and go. I've always believed that everybody can be together forever. But it is what it is," Heart candidly admitted.
"So if you really love people...for me, communication is important, it's the same with marriage. Sometimes you do outgrow each other, sometimes you want other things. But what will keep it together is you have to be open and talk to each other, it's the same with friendship. If you're the type that want them to stay, you all should have like an open relationship and completely talk about the good and the bad. I'm not for separate lives."
"I don't think outgrowing is the correct adjective to use when you move on. Because at the end of the day, whoever you met, whoever you were with, whoever you knew, whoever became your friend, is part of who you are that contributes to where you are right now. So you don't really outgrow them, you just grow on with them, sometimes without them, but they will always be a part of you. Good or bad, it will always be part of who you are," Chiz advised.
"I refuse to see certain things, I refuse to see the bad times especially if there weren't a lot. I will stick and fight for the good memories that I have," Heart declared. "[And] that doesn't make you a lemon, it makes you a good person," Chiz concluded.
12. Dealing with betrayal from a friend is difficult, but there are ways to limit that from happening to you.
"In order to be betrayed, you have to trust first," Chiz began. "You can never be betrayed by a person you never trusted...How can someone you do not know hurt you?... Someone you don't know can never touch or hurt you, regardless of how painful what he or she is saying or doing. But someone close to you, someone who matters to you, that has a bigger tendency or possibility of hurting you. It's not really limiting the people you trust, nor limiting the people you allow into your life, into your heart. It's more of choosing family over these people, and dealing with most people at arm's length."
When Heart interrupted to say how hard she finds dealing with people at arm's length, Chiz agreed that it can be difficult. "But that's how you should do it in order to not be as hurt anymore."
13. Everybody is a work in progress—nobody's perfect.
"Stop being so hard on yourself," Heart began her outro. "It is a cruel world, and as long as you try to show your truest form, especially with the people that love you...because when the world just bites you, you only have your family to tell you and remind you who you truly are."
"Nobody said marriage or our marriage was perfect, but I feel like it's the imperfections that make things close to perfect and makes a marriage a good marriage...And the realest and the most ugliest part of the story is actually the one that matters the most because it just shifts everything and makes it better."
Watch Heart's entire vlog here:
