Society and tradition has handed women a rigid handbook of expectations, dictating how they should act and what they should do at different stages of life. In their 20s, they are expected to achieve certain milestones, while their 30s brings even more pressure.
There exists a traditional mindset regarding motherhood as well, with some still expecting the woman to stay at home and focus on her family. Those who do not desire a spouse or children are sometimes made to feel like a failure.
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Justine Tajonera, author of the newly released Steady Sarah by Penguin Random House, uses her book to explore the weight of these societal pressures and the dilemma of breaking free from them. As a full-time corporate professional and mother of two, Justine reveals the struggles of balancing her roles as a mother and a writer. However, she strongly believes that life shouldn’t be a zero-sum game, especially when it comes to the things that matter the most.
"I felt the phrase ‘yung if gusto mo, kahanapan mo ng paraan,’" Justine said in an interview with Cosmopolitan Philippines. "So that's really how I treated writing. It was so sacred to me."
Justine acknowledges the reality of the balancing act, but emphasizes that pursuing personal happiness can have a positive ripple effect on family life.
"If they saw me enjoying what I did or pursuing a passion, I think that's the best way actually for them to see how maybe that could work out for them," she explains.
Justine faced immense pressure when she decided to pursue her dreams as a writer. But over time, she learned a crucial lesson: no one should feel guilty for making choices that allow them to thrive. She stresses that when people, especially mothers, prioritize their growth, their children witness that joy and learn to embrace their own paths, free from societal expectations.
"So I think, depending on the stage you are at your life, you really need to make some hard choices... You need to see that you have to take care of yourself. You need to also sometimes put yourself in a situation where you're thriving in whatever you want to do," she shares.
On Being An Author Of Your Own Destiny
In her newly released book Steady Sarah, Justine weighs in on societal expectations and the empowerment one finds in breaking free from those pressures in order to shape their own destiny.
Throughout the published work, Justine highlights that finding one's identity outside of one's relationships or career is crucial. In her writing, she shares her own contemplation of life's stages and how her character Sarah's journey of self-discovery differs from her personal path.
In discussing relationships, Justine explores the balancing act many women face between career ambitions and romantic life. Sarah's ex-boyfriend claimed their breakup was due to her lack of spending time with him, which echoes a broader dilemma women often confront—the dreaded work-life split, and whether they can have both a highly-successful career and a loving relationship.
For Justine, the answer became clear: if a partner cannot support one's growth, then it might not be the right relationship. She also touched on Sarah's relationship with her father, a career-driven man, and how Sarah questioned whether she, too, would sacrifice personal connections for professional success.
In a complex world dictated by rigid societal expectations, it's easy to lose sight of who we truly are beneath the labels society puts on us—mother, sister, wife. The weight of these roles can sometimes lead to questions about identity.
"Who am I if I'm not a mom, a sister, a wife? Who am I? Without my roles, am I really a free person? What do I really love? What do I really want to do? And that was my answer. The answer was Sarah's Journey," she recounts.
The most important lesson Justine took from Sarah’s story and her own experiences was to never give up on what truly nourishes the soul.
"What I learned was, don't give up. Just keep doing what you love. This is for Sarah and this is for me. Just keep doing what nourishes your soul. And you'll get where you want to go. So, don't give up," she concludes.
