There's a lot of natural curiosity when it comes to the sugar lifestyle—and why wouldn't there be? It offers a tantalizing trade-off, where love or companionship becomes a gateway to a life of opulence. Throughout history, practical marriages have been the norm. It's only fairly recently in the modern dating scene where love is the single most important foundation in a union, but that's not always the case for everyone.
Many wish to become a sugar baby—whether we're serious about our intention or not, we've thought about it at some point in our lives. For others, it's a reality. There are over 250,000 sugar babies in the Philippines, with an average allowance of P52,000 per month. SPOT.ph got to speak to one of them.
Meet Aine, a 22-year-old from Cavite whose life took a remarkable turn when she embraced the role of a sugar baby, but getting to where she is now certainly isn't for everyone.
What it's like being a sugar baby in the Philippines
Meeting her match
A sugar relationship is a mutually beneficial arrangement between two consenting adults, typically involving an older, wealthy person (sugar daddy or mommy) providing financial support or gifts to a younger person (sugar baby) in exchange for companionship, intimacy, or other agreed-upon terms.
Aine has been on a sugar daddy platform since 2019, but it wasn't until four years later where she would find her match. In her struggle with unemployment as a fresh high school graduate, she took to the Internet in search of financial stability, no matter the form. One Google search led her to Sugarbook.
But it wasn't like she met her Prince Charming on her first try. Her initial experiences in the sugar-dating realm were less than smooth. Aine met a slew of gentlemen who had the charisma of a damp dishrag or carried more sinister vibes.
"I met actually a lot of guys, but I didn't end up well with them because they weren't, like, you know, they were not my preference. I don't like most of them. Not that I am very picky, but I don't like how they act," Aine said. "The other sugar daddies that I have talked to, they are bragging the things that they have. It feels a little irritating because it's like belittling-that I was just a sugar baby."
Several trial-and-errors later, she crossed paths with a divorced Scottish gentleman who would become her sugar daddy, and by December this year, her husband. She was in it for his money at first, yes, but what followed is a blooming romance that came straight out of a fairytale. He didn't flaunt his wealth or demand subservience like most of the men she had spoken to on Sugarbook. Instead, he allowed Aine the freedom to explore her passions. She aspires to be a successful entrepreneur, with plans to open a food restaurant and establish a foundation for foster care-all with the sugar daddy's financial backing.
Every month without fail, Aine receives P100,00 in allowance, along with an additional P1,500 for her family. That's impressive for a country where the minimum wage is around P18,000. Spoiling her and her family with expensive gifts is another conversation altogether.
"We were basically living in poverty before. There was a day that we don't have much food to eat, where our only option left is the water we have to drink for our stomach to be full," Aine said. Now, the interview with SPOT.ph is being done via a Macbook her sugar daddy had surprised her with.
Beyond financial gain, the sugar relationship has improved her self-esteem in more ways than one: "I never really thought that I am worth something to someone. That I deserve to be taken care of, to be treated like this, like that."
The couple's relationship is defined by the pixels on their screens, as they're yet to meet in person due to geographical limitations. They engage in daily video calls, sharing everything from work to more intimate moments that "sugar daddies and sugar babies are expected to do." On weekends, they stay on video call every waking moment watching each other go about their day. She's even gotten close to his two children.
The nature of Aine's relationship with her sugar daddy is not uncommon in the sugar dating world, where virtual companionship often precedes any physical meeting, if it ever occurs at all. They might have only been in a relationship for 10 months, but she's already got an engagement ring on her finger.
"One thing that we are waiting for is for us to meet so we can settle everything," Aine shares that she'll meet her Scottish beau in a couple trip to Tokyo this month-the first time they'll be seeing each other.
Treading carefully
Painting a picture of sugar relationships wouldn't be complete without mentioning the darker side of things. Sugar dating is often linked to exploitation through the presence of a significant power imbalance between sugar babies and sugar parents. Many sugar babies enter these relationships seeking economic support, so it's a given that sugar parents will hold considerable influence over them. It's reminiscent of Aine's history with other sugar daddies she's encountered but rejected.
Of course, exploitation can also result from unrealistic expectations, where sugar parents demand more from sugar babies than what was initially agreed upon. The line between what is legal and ethical is often blurred, which is why Aine takes extra precautions before getting into one. She'd be lying if she said her first few dates with other suitors didn't scare her.
"I am very observant of my surroundings. I only allow them to meet me in public places. Like no, I won't go to your place. We meet in the mall or somewhere open area. We'll just go for lunch, coffee, or dinner, then that's it," Aine said.
One of Aine's personal boundaries is her strict no-physical-intimacy rule. Her firmness in preserving a virtual romance without physical involvement aligns with a growing trend in sugar dating, where individuals seek financial stability without engaging in sexual relationships.
"I am very selective about my sugar daddy. If they have any pet peeves that I don't like, then I will cut them off immediately. I require them to talk to me for a week before meeting so I can sense what kind of person they are," Aine said.
It helps that Aine comes from a family where the AFAM culture is normalized. AFAM is a colloquial term used in the Philippines to refer to a white person used in the context of romance. Some of her other relatives have relationships with wealthy men on the Internet, so we can say it runs in the family.
"When I told them about this, they were like, 'Oh yeah, pursue him. He looks like a kind guy,'" Aine said. Still, judgments come her way from disapproving relatives, but it's a stigma that most sugar babies will have to live with for now.
With all that's been said, Aine is clearly one of the luckier ones. Not every sugar baby will live out this rather twisted fairytale with this much acceptance, but stories like hers will keep us normal people wishing to quit our 9-to-5's in favor of a more glamorized lifestyle...or at least have us thinking about what other lives we might lead.
