You appreciate sex for its benefits (both physically and emotionally), but there are times when you just don’t feel like it or you’re performing less sex-sationally. Maybe you just can’t squeeze it in your insane Yuletide schedule, or you and your honey are rarely left alone these days with all the family and friends you need to see. But when, more often, you’re out of your erotic element, you start to wonder: Is there something wrong with me? Am I becoming frigid? Cosmo tells you: Relax. Every red-blooded Pinay experiences low lust levels every now and then. Here’s how to make sure your sexual drive doesn’t dip.
1. Spice It Up
What you eat says a lot about your sex drive. Sure, chocolates and wine—common Christmas gifts—are great for boosting romance. But if skilled sexercise is what you’re after, inject a touch of spiciness in your dishes. Spicy food, or those seasoned with chili, can “stimulate the nervous system and enhance feelings of sexual arousal,” according to the article “Recipe for Better Sex: What To Eat To Add Spice.” So, go on and indulge in wasabi-soaked sushi and super-anghang Bicol Express. They’ll make you hot in more ways than one.
2. Go Fish
“Sex is really about circuitry,” says Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center. Meaning, your blood needs to flow—and keep flowing properly—in order to really feel that sexual high. The right food to munch on? Those rich in Omega-3 fatty acids like fish since Omega-3 makes your nervous system function better,” adds Bartlik. Add a fish dish to your holiday menu.
3. Ditch The Routine
Most couples often feel sex is boring when they always do it in the same sack style. Take it from Ben, 30, IT specialist: “When my girl and I have sex the exact same way we always do—missionary-style—it gets predictable. And, sad to say, when sex gets predictable, I don’t really feel the urge to jump into bed whenever I’m with her.”
Don’t fret about being stuck in that sexual rut forever. “Sexual intensity (or lack thereof) is a personal choice. It’s not a condition,” assures Lou Paget, author of How To Be A Great Lover. “It can be created or recreated very quickly.” He adds that all you need is “a little inspiration.”
Add more variety and spontaneity into your sexual routine, like what Tala, 27, video editor, did when she noticed that she and her boyfriend were having sex less often. “Our sexual chemistry seemed to have lost its magic,” she recalls. What she did to beat the blahs, Tala shares, was to suddenly grab her guy’s leg under the table while they were out having dinner with friends. “That move really shocked him,” Tala says, “but he was so turned on by my sudden boldness that we left the restaurant quickly and finished the deed in his condo.” Since then, their sex life was infinitely better.
4. Get Moving
Are you the tamad type who thinks doing desk stretches is equivalent to exercise? Chances are, your sexual stamina needs some work. Nix that sedentary lifestyle, hit the gym for some real exercise, and you’ll find yourself raring to jump your man’s bones.
“The surest way to whet sexual appetite and increase sexual activity is through physical exercise,” writes Amy Painter in Exercises to Improve Your Sex Life. “Aerobic exercise revs up hormones, flushes stress, whittles away fat, and rejuvenates the body...regular exercise also increases blood flow to the genitals, priming men and women for sex.” Exercise also causes your body to produce and release endorphins, thus prepping you for some bedtime action. Hey, even your rigorous Christmas shopping (think hours of walking around the mall in a rush) can do the trick.
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As “sex can be an act of endurance,” Painter suggests that you take up aerobic activity like “walking, running, cycling, or swimming for at least 30 minutes, three times a week.” You can also do push-ups or crunches since they “strengthen the shoulders, chest, and abdominals, all of which are utilized during sexual intercourse.”
5. Do The Squeeze
Like your triceps and abs, your inner sex muscles need constant tune-ups, too. “Kegel exercises firm up the muscles of the vagina, helping women gain muscle control (to grip the penis) and reach orgasm more easily,” says Painter. Doing this regularly “can stimulate erotic feelings.”
Here’s how to do The Squeeze: “Contract your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles by clenching, as though stopping urine, and hold for at least two or three seconds per squeeze. Inhale each time you squeeze and try to fully relax your muscles between each contraction.” If you’re a newbie to this exercise, start with 10 to 20 squeezes so you don’t get sore.
The best part about The Squeeze is that nobody has to know that you’re doing it. Try it while working at your desk, commuting home, or watching TV.
6. Channel Your Inner Sexy
Yes, it’s true—if you feel sexy, then you are sexy. Everybody has physical flaws, but the key is to embrace just how wonderfully flawed you are. “Accepting your body doesn’t mean that you arrogantly think you are perfect in every way,” says R.E. Lacey, author of Sex in Mind: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Discovery. She suggests this exercise for you to feel every inch the sensual, sexy sister you really are: “Ensure that you have some time to yourself and that you won’t be disturbed. Position yourself in front of the full-length mirror and slowly take off your clothes, watching yourself carefully as you do...Once you are naked, you can stand there for a moment and look at yourself. When you are ready, begin a detailed exploration of your body.”
Be careful not to be too critical during your “self-exploration,” though. Instead, be as appreciative of your body as you can. The more confident you are in your own skin, the more sexually appealing you will be.
7. Learn To Pleasure Yourself
“As well as feeling fantastic, self-pleasuring is a great way to learn what really turns you on and how you can improve your orgasms,” says Lacey. Besides, what you discover from self-love can help you help your guy take you to the O-zone.
“Get [in] the mood by reading some erotica, watching a sexy film, or just allowing your mind to wander into your favorite fantasy,” suggests Lacey. Tip: Be sure that your space and time are free from distractions, since, unlike men, women are wired to be easily distracted by sounds and other factors, according to Allan and Barbara Pease, authors of Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps.
1. Spice It Up
What you eat says a lot about your sex drive. Sure, chocolates and wine—common Christmas gifts—are great for boosting romance. But if skilled sexercise is what you’re after, inject a touch of spiciness in your dishes. Spicy food, or those seasoned with chili, can “stimulate the nervous system and enhance feelings of sexual arousal,” according to the article “Recipe for Better Sex: What To Eat To Add Spice.” So, go on and indulge in wasabi-soaked sushi and super-anghang Bicol Express. They’ll make you hot in more ways than one.
2. Go Fish
“Sex is really about circuitry,” says Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center. Meaning, your blood needs to flow—and keep flowing properly—in order to really feel that sexual high. The right food to munch on? Those rich in Omega-3 fatty acids like fish since Omega-3 makes your nervous system function better,” adds Bartlik. Add a fish dish to your holiday menu.
3. Ditch The Routine
Most couples often feel sex is boring when they always do it in the same sack style. Take it from Ben, 30, IT specialist: “When my girl and I have sex the exact same way we always do—missionary-style—it gets predictable. And, sad to say, when sex gets predictable, I don’t really feel the urge to jump into bed whenever I’m with her.”
Don’t fret about being stuck in that sexual rut forever. “Sexual intensity (or lack thereof) is a personal choice. It’s not a condition,” assures Lou Paget, author of How To Be A Great Lover. “It can be created or recreated very quickly.” He adds that all you need is “a little inspiration.”
Add more variety and spontaneity into your sexual routine, like what Tala, 27, video editor, did when she noticed that she and her boyfriend were having sex less often. “Our sexual chemistry seemed to have lost its magic,” she recalls. What she did to beat the blahs, Tala shares, was to suddenly grab her guy’s leg under the table while they were out having dinner with friends. “That move really shocked him,” Tala says, “but he was so turned on by my sudden boldness that we left the restaurant quickly and finished the deed in his condo.” Since then, their sex life was infinitely better.
4. Get Moving
Are you the tamad type who thinks doing desk stretches is equivalent to exercise? Chances are, your sexual stamina needs some work. Nix that sedentary lifestyle, hit the gym for some real exercise, and you’ll find yourself raring to jump your man’s bones.
“The surest way to whet sexual appetite and increase sexual activity is through physical exercise,” writes Amy Painter in Exercises to Improve Your Sex Life. “Aerobic exercise revs up hormones, flushes stress, whittles away fat, and rejuvenates the body...regular exercise also increases blood flow to the genitals, priming men and women for sex.” Exercise also causes your body to produce and release endorphins, thus prepping you for some bedtime action. Hey, even your rigorous Christmas shopping (think hours of walking around the mall in a rush) can do the trick.
[nextpage]
As “sex can be an act of endurance,” Painter suggests that you take up aerobic activity like “walking, running, cycling, or swimming for at least 30 minutes, three times a week.” You can also do push-ups or crunches since they “strengthen the shoulders, chest, and abdominals, all of which are utilized during sexual intercourse.”
5. Do The Squeeze
Like your triceps and abs, your inner sex muscles need constant tune-ups, too. “Kegel exercises firm up the muscles of the vagina, helping women gain muscle control (to grip the penis) and reach orgasm more easily,” says Painter. Doing this regularly “can stimulate erotic feelings.”
Here’s how to do The Squeeze: “Contract your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles by clenching, as though stopping urine, and hold for at least two or three seconds per squeeze. Inhale each time you squeeze and try to fully relax your muscles between each contraction.” If you’re a newbie to this exercise, start with 10 to 20 squeezes so you don’t get sore.
The best part about The Squeeze is that nobody has to know that you’re doing it. Try it while working at your desk, commuting home, or watching TV.
6. Channel Your Inner Sexy
Yes, it’s true—if you feel sexy, then you are sexy. Everybody has physical flaws, but the key is to embrace just how wonderfully flawed you are. “Accepting your body doesn’t mean that you arrogantly think you are perfect in every way,” says R.E. Lacey, author of Sex in Mind: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Discovery. She suggests this exercise for you to feel every inch the sensual, sexy sister you really are: “Ensure that you have some time to yourself and that you won’t be disturbed. Position yourself in front of the full-length mirror and slowly take off your clothes, watching yourself carefully as you do...Once you are naked, you can stand there for a moment and look at yourself. When you are ready, begin a detailed exploration of your body.”
Be careful not to be too critical during your “self-exploration,” though. Instead, be as appreciative of your body as you can. The more confident you are in your own skin, the more sexually appealing you will be.
7. Learn To Pleasure Yourself
“As well as feeling fantastic, self-pleasuring is a great way to learn what really turns you on and how you can improve your orgasms,” says Lacey. Besides, what you discover from self-love can help you help your guy take you to the O-zone.
“Get [in] the mood by reading some erotica, watching a sexy film, or just allowing your mind to wander into your favorite fantasy,” suggests Lacey. Tip: Be sure that your space and time are free from distractions, since, unlike men, women are wired to be easily distracted by sounds and other factors, according to Allan and Barbara Pease, authors of Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps.
