Breakups are challenging and painful. Our emotions fluctuate and our judgment may be clouded. When you are in a relationship, your daily routine and future plans include your partner. That relationship was part of your identity. After a breakup, you may feel like you've lost a part of yourself.
The absence of a once meaningful connection results in you losing a sense of security, comfort, and intimacy. You may also feel sadness, disappointment, and even anger. Grieving the end of the relationship is part of the process.
Since we've mentioned anger, it's valid to be furious about the breakup, especially if there was betrayal involved. (Cheating, ahem.) You will question yourself. "Saan ako nagkulang?" "Am I ugly?" "Is she better?" "What happens next?" The fear of the unknown can cause anxiety and trigger some of our insecurities.
In addition to heartache, breakups can also bring adulting challenges: You may need to find a new place to live in, divide shared assets, or even as far as asking your ex to you back his utang to you! Breakups are messy. *Shocking*
It's natural for you to crave rage. Or to let your ex know what you *really* think of their actions and the breakup itself. Although this seems like a good idea, it isn't.
It's still vital to be aware of your actions so you won't do anything you may regret. It's important to stay classy and handle the situation like a mature grownup. Maintaining your dignity can help you move on and feel good about yourself in the process.
Here are some tips on how to stay classy after a breakup:
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Feel your feelings.
First of all, it's important to recognize and validate your emotions. Give labels to your emotions. Is it anger? Shame? Guilt? Disappointment? Do you feel blindsided? Allow yourself to feel these. Now that you've identified them, breathe and write it on a piece of paper as a form of release. You can either tear it down or burn it. This way, you have directed your emotions toward an inanimate piece of object instead of angry texting or posting about it on Facebook! (BTW, if you have other suggestions for directing anger, please let us know.)
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Resist bad-mouthing your ex.
It can be tempting to speak ill about your former partner to your mutual friends because you're coming from a place of anger. Instead of painting your ex as the bad guy, you may appear bitter and immature. This behavior can make you look petty and it is highly likely that you'll regret your actions.
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Do not air your dirty laundry on social media.
Refrain from posting negative comments or tweets about your ex, and resist the urge to post anything that could be interpreted as revenge. Keep your social media posts to a minimum if you can—you can share beautiful things like your recent solo trip or a new hobby you have discovered.
Keep in mind that your posts can be topics of the Marites in your circle! There is beauty in moving in silence. Keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself or talk to a trusted friend or therapist.
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Throw away any plans of revenge.
To be classy, revenge plans should be out of the window. Stop yourself from spreading rumors about your ex (or their current flame). Making them jealous or dating someone from their circle is a bad look on you, too. Focus on moving on and living your best life. The best revenge is being happy on your own.
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Do not stalk your ex.
There is no winning in this behavior. If you stalk them on social media and see that they're doing well, dating someone new, or being radio silent, you'll just invite negative feelings to yourself. Please resist the urge to message or call them. Also, showing up wherever they are unannounced can be creepy AF. Respect each other's boundaries so you can both move on.
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Be polite when you see them in public.
We can't avoid them forever. If you run into your ex in the grocery or cafe, be polite and say hi or smile from afar. Keep the conversation light and casual, and don't bring up the past or your feelings about the breakup.
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Surround yourself with supportive people.
Lean on your friends and family for emotional support, but avoid being too negative. Catch yourself when you're rambling about your ex every time you see them. It's valid that you're hurting, but try to shift your focus to yourself and the present. That past relationship is over and no one could go back in time to change the circumstances. Allow your loved ones to offer comfort and encouragement.
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Practice self-love.
Cliche, as it may sound, focusing on yourself is key to recovering from a breakup (especially a messy one!). Pursue your interests and focus on your goals. This will help you to feel empowered and positive about the future, rather than dwelling on the past. Take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep, and do things that make you happy. These self-care habits can help boost your mood and make you feel better about yourself.
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Practice empathy.
Empathy involves putting yourself in your ex's shoes and understanding their experience. This can help you see the situation from their perspective and understand their actions. Try to understand what led to the breakup, and consider your ex's perspective. This can help you gain insight into the situation and move towards forgiveness.
This of course won't necessarily mean that you'll justify their actions. Empathy will also reveal what your areas of improvement are. Are you too selosa? Are you always masungit? Was there any incident that you recall where you could have behaved better?
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Do the hard work.
Use this time to work on yourself—like *really* work on yourself. The self-care that's not aesthetic, aka the deep shadow work. Discover what you really want in a relationship. Find out what areas you can improve on. Learn what your boundaries are. Discuss with a therapist if you need professional advice. A therapist or counselor can help you work through your emotions and develop a plan for moving forward.
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Remind yourself that your ex is still a human being.
Sure, they hurt you, but remember that this is still a person with feelings. They may be going through a difficult time too, and they deserve respect and empathy. Don't make the breakup any harder than it already is by being rude or insensitive.
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Know your worth.
You are resilient. This painful experience will only make you stronger. Remember that you are worthy and deserving of love and happiness. Keep your head up, stay classy, and focus on moving forward with your life without your ex.
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Be open about forgiving your ex.
Forgiveness can't be rushed, that's for sure. When the breakup is hurtful, it may take you a long time to forgive your ex. It's a challenging and complex process. Be patient with yourself and try to focus on the positive aspects of your life.
ADVERTISMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW ↓Understand also that you can forgive someone even if they didn't say sorry. Holding onto anger and resentment can be toxic and prevent you from moving forward. You are forgiving the person who hurt you for yourself. Forgiving your ex-partner can set you free. You can cleanse the heaviness of carrying a grudge.
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