Growing up, I loved spending time with my parents. Family vacations were always special because my dad and mom were (and still are!) so fun to be around, and to this day I have fond memories of our beach trips, staycations, and movie nights at home. Our family has always loved taking pictures and putting together photo albums, so if I ever want to look back on a specific day, it's only a flip of a page away.
My mom and I can talk about anything and everything, and we have a shared love of teasing my dad. But it's my dad I go to when I want some cuddle time, and he's my nature or food documentary binge-watch marathon buddy. Thanks to him, I grew up watching F1 (#teamSchumacher then #teamAlonso), professional tennis (#teamNadal), and Top Gear (although to this day I have limited car knowledge — I watched it mostly for the laughs). We call each other panget as an inside joke, and I've seen several people do a double-take when they hear me answer my phone. LOL!
He may be an introvert, but when my dad is with family or friends his dry sarcasm can get people laughing for days. He is the family clown — or the face half-buried in the ground at the bottom of the totem pole (his favorite imagery of where he ranks, "beneath the dogs!") — and there have been many a time when mom and I laughed till we cried.
That's one of my biggest core memories from my childhood: hardly a day went by without my parents making each other laugh. "Find someone who can make you laugh this much," they'd say. So when I reached high school and started dating, I kept their advice in mind. A lot of my friends were surprised to find out that my parents didn't really have any "rules" for me and my brother. "Your parents are so chill!," was a phrase I heard most frequently. I was equally confused: Why didn't my parents enforce a curfew, for example?
When I decided to ask, my parents said it was about trust. As long as I told them where I was going, who I'd be with, and what time I'd be home, they trusted me to keep my word. And when I introduced them to my first boyfriend, things were the same — I could go out on dates without them keeping constant tabs on me and my BF. I really appreciated their trust in me, and it's one of the reasons why I feel comfortable opening up to them if I ever have a problem.
My parents recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary, and they are just as happy and in love as ever. I have a photo album in my phone containing pics of them walking hand in hand (Dad is always on the left!), and after years it's become their signature pose when we travel together. My dad has always been considerate, loving, and a willing partner to my mom's shenanigans, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they eventually celebrate another 30 years together.
Over the years they've had their little arguments, but I've learned several important lessons from witnessing their relationship.
Here are five relationship lessons I learned from watching how my dad treats my mom:
1. Be considerate.
Learn to compromise, because you can't be right 100% of the time. Take the other's opinion into consideration, and understand that it's okay to occasionally give in and let them have their way.
2. Make each other laugh.
I believe that having a shared sense of humor is key to a healthy and long-lasting relationship. If you're going through a tough time, having a partner that can lift your spirits with an inside joke or funny action is a great mood booster.
3. Do not go to bed angry.
Do not bring your problems to bed, because you might wake up angry and bring your issue to the next day. Try to keep your bedroom a safe and calm space, free from negative energy.
4. Forgive and move on.
Rather than "forgive and forget," I think it's better to remember your mistake so you don't repeat it. Once you've forgiven someone, don't bring it up in a future argument — focus on what's upsetting you at that specific moment, and work together to solve the problem.
5. Wanting "me time" doesn't mean you love each other less.
Dad and mom love spending time together, but they're not attached at the hip. The have their own groups of friends and enjoy different hobbies. Sometimes my dad would rather stay at home, so my mom goes out to get her daily steps in. And that's perfectly normal — you don't need to be together 24/7 just because you're a couple.
"Find someone who will treat you like I treat your mom," my dad likes to say. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I find a partner who is as kind, loving, and supportive as my parents are to each other.
