Dating is one of the initial stages of a relationship, and it can make or break a potential couple. At the beginning, it can easy to overlook the negative traits or "red flags" of the person you’re seeing.
However, these little signs of trouble can easily snowball into bigger issues as the relationship progresses. It might be hard to hear, but it’s often easier to address these issues early on rather than letting them grow worse.
The truth is, every relationship comes with its own potential risks. You have to choose your "hard," as experts say, because "issues that were present in the beginning often become the reason things end." So, before you get too comfortable, let’s break the ice.
We asked Cosmopolitan Philippines readers to share the red flags they look out for when dating, and their insightful responses are lessons we can all learn from.
LIST: Major Dating Red Flags To Watch Out For
1. Narcissistic Tendencies
Excessive self-centered talk, constant attention-seeking, gaslighting, passive-aggressive behavior, and a lack of boundaries are major red flags to watch out for in a relationship. These narcissistic tendencies can often be mistaken for confidence, but they are far from it. A person exhibiting these traits might initially appear charming and self-assured, but their behavior can actually be harmful and undermining.
When someone constantly talks about themself, they leave little room for you to share your own thoughts and feelings. This self-centeredness can make you feel invisible and unimportant in the relationship.
It's not just about the dominance of their voice in conversations, but it can also be an early sign of a lack of boundaries, which could sever respect and personal space. This neglect extends to personal needs, where your desires and emotional wellbeing are sidelined in favor of their incessant need for validation and attention.
2. Inconsistency
Nothing itches us more than when people fail to live up to their promises. Inconsistency, especially in dating, can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. "Walk(ing) the talk," as they say, is crucial for building trust and reliability in any relationship. When someone frequently says one thing but does something else, it creates a sense of instability and uncertainty that can be detrimental to the foundation of the relationship.
In the early stages of dating, consistency is key. It's essential for both partners to follow through on their commitments and be dependable. When someone consistently cancels plans, changes their story, or fails to keep their word, it sends a message that they may not value your time or the relationship as much as they should. This inconsistency can lead to feelings of insecurity and doubt, making it difficult to build a strong emotional connection.
Inconsistent behavior often leads to mixed signals, leaving you confused about where you stand. One day, your partner might shower you with attention and affection, and the next, they might be distant and unresponsive. This emotional rollercoaster can be exhausting, and can cause you to question their intentions and your own worth.
3. “Sadboi” Effect
This is probably one of the worst feelings of all—doing charity work in a relationship and being the therapist. Most of the Cosmo PH readers we’ve asked agree that the "sadboi" or "pa-victim" effect, where someone constantly plays the victim and talks badly about their past relationships, is a major red flag.
Being in a relationship where you constantly have to play the role of the therapist can be incredibly draining. It’s not your job to fix someone, or to bear the brunt of their unresolved emotional baggage.
When your partner consistently portrays themselves as the victim and speaks negatively about their exes, it’s a clear sign that they haven’t moved on and may be looking for someone to blame for their issues. This kind of behavior can create a toxic dynamic where you feel more like a caretaker than an equal partner.
4. Love Bombing
Beware of love bombing; it’s a red flag disguised as a green flag. Identifying it can be challenging because it initially makes you feel worthy, valuable, needed, and special. However, just because it feels good doesn't mean it's right.
Experts warn that excessive attention, admiration, and affection can create a sense of indebtedness, blinding you to reality. They emphasize that love bombing is a manipulative dating tactic that invades personal boundaries.
5. Has A History Of Cheating
While personal growth is subjective and varies for each individual, a history of cheating is widely regarded as a significant red flag in relationships. Many firmly believe that if someone you're dating has a past of infidelity, it is best to walk away. One person even warned, "If they have a history of cheating, you should run."
Others caution that if someone is entertaining other potential partners while courting you, it is a major red flag for future cheating.
Trusting someone, especially regarding commitment, becomes challenging in such situations. It can incite overthinking and lead to spiraling thoughts of uncertainty. What if you’re next? Perhaps it is time to reconsider investing in a relationship if you find it difficult to look past a cheater's previous actions.
