A relationship can begin due to mutual attraction, public displays of affection, or material gestures. However, your true connection with your S.O. comes from emotional intimacy. As humans we are naturally wired for connection, and a huge proponent of that comes from emotional intimacy.
When it comes to sustaining a relationship, it takes a lot more than good chemistry. According to Lohani Noor, a psychosexual therapist and author, there are two fundamental types of connection: sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy. Both types should not precede the other because they are deeply intertwined. It is also important to highlight that without emotional intimacy, it can be challenging to connect with your partner.
What Is Emotional Intimacy?
Part of a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship is feeling a sense of security and stability. And that is deeply felt when emotional intimacy is present. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist from Columbia University’s clinical psychology Ph.D. program, defines emotional intimacy as a deep connection with your partner that "expresses feelings, vulnerabilities and trust."
"Part of a relationship is sharing your secrets, talking about your relationship, and telling your partner important news. A couple is generally happier when both parties can share and understand each other’s feelings," Sanam explained.
Being "in sync" is an important component of emotional intimacy and it allows partners to unlock greater levels of communication, comprehension, and understanding, which are the foundations of a healthy relationship. When we feel deeply connected with our partner and feel like we are understood, we feel safe and secure. And this feeling leads us to be more vulnerable and trusting with them.
How To Develop And Grow Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship
1. Communication (verbal and non-verbal) and comprehension is key.
Communication extends beyond speaking; it involves active listening. Listening fosters understanding by helping you step outside your own viewpoint and appreciate your partner’s perspective. Rather than focusing on disagreements and the "blame game", practice active listening to fully grasp your partner’s thoughts and feelings before responding.
This lessens the possibility of resentment, but also builds comprehension which is crucial when it comes to healthy communication. Moreover, the benefits of active listening extend beyond immediate conversations. It cultivates a habit of patience, empathy, and mindfulness in your interactions, fostering a deeper connection over time. Nurturing mutual respect and understanding within relationships allow people to be more trusting.
2. Reciprocation goes a long way.
Building deeper emotional intimacy in a relationship involves more than just verbal communication; it extends to shared experiences and meaningful interactions. Engaging in activities together not only fosters physical closeness but also strengthens the emotional connection between partners. Incorporating activities like sports, upholding gift-giving traditions, and expressing genuine compliments can significantly contribute to building a stronger and more enduring bond.
3. Make an effort to know and fulfill their love language/s.
It is important to make an effort in making your partner feel loved by knowing their love languages. Coined by Gary Chapman, a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars, the five love languages include: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and giving of gifts.
While there is no right or wrong kind of love, understanding how to express love in a way that your partner deeply resonates with helps create empathy and promotes selflessness, growth, and emotional intimacy. Being aware of each other's love language/s allows partners to foster a harmonious relationship and share love in meaningful ways.
Emotional Intimacy Is About Consistency And Making Small Steps
Emotional intimacy can be likened to the essential nutrients and healthy foods athletes rely on for optimal performance. It thrives on healthy patterns and "ingredients" such as open communication, empathy, and genuine connection. In the end, fostering emotional intimacy is about creating a safe space where you and your partner's emotions can be freely expressed, understood, and valued.
