The world of dating is undoubtedly filled with intricate emotions and unanticipated circumstances. You’re lucky if your love life has a textbook-kind-of-romance that’s nothing but easy, but we all know that’s not the case for everyone. Sometimes, people tend to find themselves in messy situations—one of which is when they fall in love with a friend’s ex-partner. Eep!
Just like Maddy and Cassie in HBO hit series Euphoria, dating a friend's ex can be quite a rollercoaster ride of emotions, and it’s certainly not for the weak. For one, it’s an ultimate no-no for many women since it’s a violation of the girl code, aka the unwritten rulebook that prioritizes friendship over boys. However, it’s 2023, and most people are actually becoming welcoming of such acts since it’s on a case-to-case basis. Below are a few simple guidelines for navigating this tricky situation.
What to do before you pursue your friend’s ex:
1. Assess the context of their breakup.
Getting involved with a friend’s ex comes with risks, especially if they ended on a bad note. In Euphoria, Cassie was well aware of the toxicity of her bff’s ex-bf, which truly got us thinking about why she would be hellbent on dating him despite knowing Nate was bad news. In general, don’t go around dating walking red flags—all the more so if it’s a friend they hurt in the past.
Also read: Ladies, Here Are The Dating Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Choosing to be involved with someone who treated a loved one horribly implies that you don't think what he did to her was all that bad. Not worth it at all.
2. Be honest with your friend.
The foundation of any healthy relationship, be it romantic or platonic, lies in consent and communication. Before pursuing a friend's ex, it is essential to be honest with her and seek her thoughts on the matter. Sure, it's never a comfortable matter to talk about. However, communication demonstrates respect for your friend's feelings and gives you the opportunity to connect with each other.
3. Practice empathy.
Just like in any delicate situation, timing is everything here. Make sure to take all things into consideration before acting on your feelings, including the amount of time that has passed and the intensity of your friend’s emotions towards her ex. If a significant amount of time has passed since the breakup, and both individuals have moved on, maybe it could be more easy-breezy and acceptable for everyone. Remember to put yourself in your friend’s shoes and not be selfish about the whole situation.
4. Consider the impact of your decision on your friendship.
At the end of the day, it’s your own life, so you’re responsible for making your own decisions. If push comes to shove, ask yourself about what matters more to you—is it your friendship or a potential relationship?
Selena Gomez said it best: "The heart knows what it wants." Just be responsible and take accountability for the consequences of your actions. After all, you’re the only person who can tell if someone is worth loving and fighting for.
