When it comes to prying into the personal lives of married couples, the question of when they will start a family often takes center stage. “Kelan kayo mag-baby?,” “Mag-baby na kayo agad,” “Masaya may baby,” and the list goes on.
Miss Universe 2015 Pia Wurtzbach (now Mrs. Jauncey) knows the experience, and we can sense she’s not amused at the very personal query. "Literally every 4 questions I get, there's one question about us having kids," she revealed during a recent Q&A with fans on Instagram.
“Honestly, I find these questions so personal. I wonder why this is considered a normal thing to ask though? First it was ‘Kailan ka mag-aasawa?’ Now, it’s constantly, ‘Kailan kayo magkakaanak?’” she said.
We know some are just curious or just trying to make a conversation. And our old-school titas would probably say, that should be fine, don’t take offense. But we’d like to make it known now, that that baby question IS offensive.
It’s like asking about a couple’s sex life. Or can be perceived as a judgment or a lack thereof. How do you respond to that question? Ah, we’re too busy, or we have no babies yet because we’re using contraceptives. Do you really want to hear these details?
And while the norm is to have a baby after a wedding, this simply isn’t the story for millions of couples who are facing infertility. That’s about 17.5% of the global adult population, or 1 in 6 individuals, according to recent data from the World Health Organization.
That “when are you having kids?” inquiry could crush any hopeful mother-to-be’s spirit, especially when she has tried many things: from work-ups, to scheduling sex on fertile days, and enduring a negative PT test result month after month. Is she supposed to tell you her struggles now? Will you stay for the sob fest? Nah, she would probably just smile at you and cry in her sleep.
Having children is a wonderful blessing, no doubt about that. But it is also life-changing, and this needs no rushing, even if the biological clock is ticking. Parenting is a significant responsibility that demands financial stability, a solid support system, and a conducive environment for the child's upbringing. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. By continuously questioning couples about their plans for having children, we overlook the complexities and sacrifices involved in creating a family.
A woman should also be allowed time to prepare her mind and body for this gargantuan task of raising humans, all while pursuing other personal goals. Asking a couple about when to have children somehow adds to the pressure that society puts on women. May this be a reminder that bearing a child isn’t the only purpose of our existence.
There are also couples who have decided not to have children. They don’t owe anyone an explanation. Let them relish their marital bliss without the pressure to conform to societal expectations.
Please end the intrusive habit of asking childless couples. You are not going to stay up late for them, change the infant's diapers, or even pay for the child's tuition. The decision to have children is deeply personal, and unless invited to a conversation about this, it is simply none of your business. It’s time to embrace the reality that there are diverse paths to fulfillment, whether it involves starting a family or pursuing other meaningful endeavors. So the next time you feel like asking, just walk away, or go talk to yourself.
