How To Get Over A Breakup So You Can *Actually* Move On And Heal

When it comes to the most painful life experiences, a breakup can be just as emotionally agonizing as, like, the physical pain of breaking a bone—it freaking hurts, okay?! We’re talking pain that can take months (or sometimes even years) to heal from. While it’d be nice to never have to deal with heartbreak, most people experience it at one point or another, which is why learning how to get over a breakup is essential to moving on and finding the right match for you.

Not to make any assumptions, but since you’re here, you're likely blasting breakup songs (most of which are probably courtesy of one Taylor Swift) and trying to forget about the one that got away. While it might feel dramatic, you're not being extra. Breakup and relationships coach Emmi Fortin says a breakup can literally be *the* hardest thing you’ll ever go through. “Breakups are multifaceted events that include mental, emotional, and physical components,” she explains. “You are going through overwhelming emotions, from anger and disappointment, to despair and grief.”

Not only do you lose your partner, but you also lose your routine and your version of reality, which can make even the most level-headed person feel completely off-balance. Sex therapist and sexologist Nicoletta Heidegger, MA, MEd, says breakups affect us physiologically and neurologically. So no, you’re not being dramatic! The loss really is all-consuming. Add in the fact that triggers and reminders about your ex are pretty much e-v-e-r-y-where, and you’ve got yourself the perfect excuse for wanting to lay in bed and watch breakup movies for the next 20 years or so.

But since you’re too cute to spend the next few decades marathoning Netflix by yourself, we’re here to help you get over your ex and move on with your life. Stick with us, and before long, you’ll be all ~thank u, next.~

QQ: What If I Don’t Want to Get Over Them?

Before we break down how to get over your ex, we gotta address the whole “You might not want to get over them” thing. Maybe you want ‘em back. Maybe you think they made a big mistake (huge!) and will come knocking on your door begging you to take them back. Totally valid and normal to feel, but after a while, holding on to that hope can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. If it's been months and this ideal scenario hasn't happened yet, Fortin recommends being honest about why you don’t want to move on, and then giving yourself permission to let go.

“Give yourself your own closure by accepting that it's over and that there are numerous possibilities about how to go about your life as you move forward,” she says.

We know it's hard. You were attached to the idea of this person and letting go of that idea can feel impossible. But, just think: The longer you linger in relationship limbo, the longer it’ll take to feel like yourself again, and thus, the longer it'll take for you to find someone who will feel like the one. (Because no, this one wasn’t it. They wouldn't have let you go if they were.)