For as long as I’ve known, I’ve been fed the same story of success. It’s the one where happily ever after can only be found once you find Your Person to ride off into the sunset with.  

It’s the way, “How are you?” was always replaced with “Are you dating anyone?” at every family gathering. A career or general well-being update apparently wasn’t captivating enough in the same realm as a potential new person could be. Every time my answer was anything other than “yes”, it was so hard not to feel like something about me was lacking.  

But alas, what if I just… download! The! Dating! Apps! You would think that would have been my siren song and foolproof solution. After all, I could fill my entire social calendar in as little as a swipe. From a candle-lit dinner to a romantic weekend rendezvous–how easy could it be if My Person was just a double tap away?  

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For years, that’s exactly what I did. Reservations were booked, outfits were assembled, and dates were had as I danced to the tune of the dating app cycle until I got dizzy.  

I won't make a blanket statement proclaiming that dating apps don’t work or are inherently bad. I’m certainly not “above” them, and I’m not holding out for a cinematic meet-cute either. In fact, I believe in them. Thanks to them, I’ve seen my friends firsthand find love and get married. 

The apps can give us exactly what they intend, which is to connect like-minded people who may have never met otherwise. So the problem wasn’t what the apps had to offer, but how I was left feeling on and offline–something I can’t and won't blame on anyone but myself. 

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Why I deleted my dating apps

Because while I perfected the first-date outfit formula and had a collection of cute and cheeky first-date anecdotes at the ready, what was supposed to be a gateway to limitless dates with new people evolved into an exhausting standup routine starring me, myself, and I(nsecurities). 

Dating apps gave me a platform to curate the version of myself I thought was the only one worth loving. It was my doe eyes, soft smile, and quick wit prompts that sure, may have captured glimpses of me but was never going to be my full story. And the immense pressure I placed on myself to put on the standing ovation Ella show every time was always going to fail. 

Because we’re human. We’re beautifully unpredictable. And sometimes the moments worth loving the most are the ones that go off-script.  

By deleting the apps, I was surrendering to no longer being in control of who I am and how I could be perceived. It’s a constant lesson in trusting in my timing and learning how to love the three-dimensional version of myself that the two-dimensional version was hiding.  

So no, I didn’t delete the apps because I didn’t believe in them. Rather, I needed to believe in myself a little more. By deleting the apps, I was surrendering to no longer being in control of who I am and how I could be perceived. It’s a constant lesson in trusting in my timing and learning how to love the three-dimensional version of myself that the two-dimensional version was hiding.  

On my way home to write this article, I stumbled upon the perfect conclusion for it. While waiting in line at a pharmacy with my foster dog, Maisy, a man standing behind me said out loud to his mother carrying his dog that he had found his dog’s girlfriend. After checking out, we walked along the sidewalk together as he had his dog show off a few tricks. Before we parted ways, he jokingly said, “I hope Maisy is impressed, these tricks aren't on his dating profile.”  

And there we have it… the beauty of living candidly. 

When I consider my track record and reflect on the most glistening people in my life, they’re the ones I could have never sought out.  

It’s my best friend in the entire world who was invited as a plus one to my house party. It’s my coworker turned confidant. It’s my old roommate's friend who now I can't imagine living without. After all those serendipitous meetings, I’m constantly reminded of all the people fate is ready to introduce us to. 

Although being off the apps means less accessibility to people, the freedom that comes with being offline has amounted to crossing off all the things that once weighed so heavily on me.  

No more expectations. No more searching. No more forcing.  

Everything I’ve let go of has led me to the biggest joys of being off the dating apps: All the room for total chance.  

The past has made it crystal clear that there are many more adorable run-ins in my future. For that and for so much more, I’ve deleted all sense of control and mastered the art of saying hello to the unexpected. 

Two years later, I’ve never looked back.

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