Trigger warning: This article tackles sensitive details about anxiety and depression.
Kylie Padilla bared her thoughts on looking after her mental health, recalling the times she felt lacking in being a mother to her sons, Alas and Axl, and in being a wife to her former husband, Aljur Abrenica.
In an episode of her Conversation With Kylie podcast on YouTube, the 30-year-old actress revealed that she was diagnosed with postpartum depression after her second pregnancy. Her body almost gave up on her.
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"I [was] diagnosed for postpartum depression and 'yung mga attacks ko... I was shaking. Nahihirapan din akong maglakad. I was bedridden for 3 or 4 months. I was not able to take care of my kids for a good few months," she said.
This made Kylie feel the weight of her incapability to attentively take care of her sons. "Physically I think I just shut down... Nangininig ako. I felt very weak. I was really not myself."
Kylie's eagerness to be a good mom during those times became a traumatic experience for her as a mother. Knowing that her health condition wasn't her fault, she still felt like a failure. "Kaya ayoko na mag-baby sana because ayoko nang maramdaman ulit 'yon. I feel like a failure to my kids.
She added, "Because hindi ko ma-kontrol 'yung katawan ko, I know it wasn't my fault. Maybe emotionally, physically talagang may imbalance sa hormones and then na-shock after giving birth... So hindi lang talaga kinaya."
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Without naming her estranged husband, she candidly divulged that her struggles with postpartum depression partly contributed to their separation. She admitted that she was, in fact, hopeful that they would overcome their rough patch together.
"'Pag naaalala ko 'yun nalulungkot ako sobra. [...] Sadly I was not able to be the best mom I could've been, the best wife I could've been. If I'm going to be super duper honest, during that time I expected na kahit mahirap, we would survive it," Kylie stated.
Unfortunately, her hopes were not met by reality. "But not all partners are able to love their partners when they are in the ugliest place and the worst place that they've been," she remarked.
Kylie still acknowledged in her vlog how arrogant she was about her health condition before. "I couldn't say sorry for it. It's not my fault na ganoon 'yung nangyari sa akin. And somehow naging issue siya. Naghiwalay kami ng ex ko. I was devastated."
After more than two years of marriage, Kylie and Aljur went their separate ways in 2021.
Her major heartbreak made her realize her yearning to be a better person not just for herself, but most importantly for her children. "Sobrang naging humble ako (after separation). I wanna become a better person for my kids. Sila na talaga 'yung ginawa kong compass sa lahat ng ginawa ko."
Kylie now sees her traumatic experiences from the past as an avenue to grow and explore life to the fullest. "There's a blessing behind it because whatever happened became a gateway for my growth," Kylie declared.
You can watch her full podcast here:
