Earlier this week, Edgar Allan "EA" Guzman made headlines when he shared that he and fiancée Shaira Diaz have been practicing celibacy since 2013—pulling back the curtains on their decision to abstain from pre-marital sex. "Totoo yon! Hanggang ngayon, pinapraktis namin," he shared in an interview with Pep.ph, adding that the move certainly isn't a walk in the park.
"First two years namin, umiiyak ako sa kanya, kasi ang hirap. To be honest, ang hirap. Sobrang nung time na yon, hindi ko na kaya siyempre, di ba? Sabi ko talaga sa kanya, 'Baba, hindi ko na kaya.' "
He added that what motivates him when it gets challenging is his love for his ladylove, who asked him for time herself. "Pero nung may sinabi siya sa akin na, 'Kung mahal mo talaga ako, hihintayin mo ako.' Dun ako tinamaan. As in, yun ang lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko kapag nakakaramdam ako nang ganito. Kaya sabi ko nga, nung nag-announce ako sa engagement namin, 'I respect Shaira a lot.'"
It's noteworthy to mention how Shaira chimed in the convo, too—disclosing personal reasons. "Kasi ako po, ino-honor ko talaga yung family ko, especially my mom and dad. Yun ang promise ko talaga sa kanila na kahit iwan mo ako saan, buong-buo pa rin ako. And sabi nila, 'Yun ang best gift na maibibigay mo sa magiging asawa mo.'"
On the internet, several Pinoys praised the couple for their decision, which isn't surprising at all, given the country's stronghold on traditional patriarchal values that are seemingly nothing but backward.
READ MORE: Dear Cosmo Girl, You Are Not Defined By Your Virginity
Don't get us wrong—we're all for body autonomy at Cosmo. Choosing not to have sex can be for any reason. Maybe it's because of religion or the preference to do it only with someone you love. It can also be for health reasons or just the plain fact that you're not interested in sex at all (asexuality). Heck, there's even a community of people opting out of sex on TikTok—celibate $luts who put their pleasure first, and forgoing the practice of having sex with a partner.
Just to be clear: All reasons are perfectly rational and okay. What we'd like to call out is EA's take on respecting his fiancee just because of her choice to abstain, seemingly tying her worth into a social construct stemming from patriarchal standards.
In an interview in 2023, EA further praised Shaira for staying *virgin* amidst a now-progressive time. "Kaya ko siya lalong minamahal. Wala na akong mahahanap na ganu'n (virgin). Ang lagi kong naririnig sa kanya ay gusto niyang i-save (ang virginity), kaya after marriage. So, para sa akin, wow! Totoo po 'yun, hindi ako nagsisinungaling. Kahit itanong niyo sa kanya. Kaya humanga ako lalo sa kanya. Kaya para sa akin, marriage muna, kasi yun din ang gusto ni Shaira. Nirerespeto ko ang desisyon niyang yon."
The whole phrase "saving your virginity" implies there's something to preserve—a woman's innocence, purity, or value—and it sounds nothing but sexist and slut-shamey. Lest we forget the dichotomy for men, who are praised for their sexual escapades, especially pre-marriage. In fact, a study conducted in the Philippines showed that Filipina women expressed disapproval of sex for unmarried women, but less for unmarried men, and placed less importance on male virginity. This evidence supports the argument that women themselves may endorse cultural belief systems that restrict female sexuality, legitimizing beliefs linking virginity to women’s worth and the avoidance of marital conflict.
READ MORE: For Albie Casiño, A Woman’s Virginity Shouldn't Be A *Big Deal* In Relationships
I mean, virginity means different things to different people—especially if we account queer sex (How do oral and anal sex play into all this, right?) It is subjective; not a real thing or a badge of honor. Rather, being and staying celibate is a personal choice that someone makes—not something that should dictate or be a basis for self-worth.
Being and staying celibate is a personal choice that someone makes—not something that should dictate or be a basis for self-worth.
It's 2024, and we firmly believe that everyone should be able to do what they want with their bodies without punishment, stigma, or guilt. Dating a "virgin" because you treat her as someone "pure" or "untainted" goes just against that.
Love, after all, is celebrating diversity and respecting boundaries. It's about moving beyond outdated notions and embracing genuine human connection minus all the societal pressure, especially if it's about our bodies. Our bodies, our choices. Forever, for everyone. It's that simple.
