Participating in any special occasion or big gathering is challenging for me—I'm an introvert after all. Oftentimes, I find myself a) Getting a panic attack before leaving the house; b) Pulling myself away from the crowd or; c) Cancelling plans at the last minute. It's not anyone's fault though. It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.
All jokes aside, I always find it hard to make my way around social gatherings, especially first time meet-ups and reunions. Introducing and re-introducing myself to people always makes me so nervous that I have to keep conditioning myself to stay calm before *actually* talking. Just imagine the horrors I go through during the holidays!
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the holidays. But this also means interacting with so many people. Sometimes a little more people than I can handle. You would understand. You’re an introvert like me.
So, hi, you. Yes, you. I’m talking to you.
To you who's getting all anxious during the holidays,
First of all, know that it’s completely normal. The holiday season can get a little bit overwhelming, especially for introverts like us. For most people, this season is a time for cheer, but for introverts, it’s also a time of "Oh, dear."
"Oh, dear, here we go again."
"Oh, dear, I can’t deal with this today."
"Oh, dear, I’m having a panic attack."
"Oh, dear, not another reunion."
You can only handle so much, so be kind to yourself. We're just human, after all. We're all built differently. While some people recharge their "spirit energy" by going to reunions and big gatherings, we, introverts, do exactly the opposite. Most of the time, we need time for ourselves. Time to process things, time to recharge our social batteries, and time to take things slow.
I know how it feels like to be a wallflower. I know how it feels to want to just disappear into oblivion and fade into the background when everything gets too much—too noisy, too crowded, too overwhelming. But stop torturing yourself. There’s more to you than just "shy" and "quiet". People may not notice that at first glance, but believe me when I say that there's so much more bubbling up inside you. There's so much more to you beneath the surface. Not everyone would understand that, but I do. Know that someone else is feeling exactly the way you're feeling right now.
As you go through the holiday season, I hope you give yourself grace. Grace to accept who you are. Grace to pull yourself away from the crowd when it gets too loud. Grace to do things at your own pace. Grace to finally make peace with yourself and believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
This holiday season, don't feel guilty for choosing the quiet nights over the loudest ones. Don't feel guilty on nights that you prefer to sit alone with your thoughts over chronicling bits of your life out to everyone in the world. You can only give so much during this time, so save some for yourself.
It's taken me quite a long time to make peace with myself and learn to be more attentive to what I want, what I don't want, what I can handle, and what I cannot. I am still in the process of learning self-compassion and unlearning self-destructive habits. While it's not easy, I'm happy to say that I've made progress over time.
I hope the same for you.
Take things slow this holiday season. In the chaos of it all, rest on the fact that you are free to breathe. Everything else is just background noise. Remember: There is power in your calm energy.
Happy holidays.
From,
An introvert.
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