With all the news of celebrities breaking up because of a third party, how praning are you right now on a scale of one to 10? That’s 10 for being irrationally anxious that your partner is cheating on you. If you’re reading this story, you’re probably on the upper end of that scale. So, first of all, we understand and we’re here for you.
Infidelity can be such a devastating blow to any relationship. If it happens, you inevitably wonder if you can ever truly trust each other again. Will history really repeat itself someday? Is it possible for a relationship to survive after a cheating incident?
Of course, you may know of a friend or two who stuck around despite having to deal with a similar issue before. But what we want to know is if you can really repair the original relationship. Is it possible to even strengthen your bond post-cheating?
In an exclusive interview with Cosmo.ph, we asked Eiza Fusingan, MAPsy, LPT, RPm, RPsy, the Chief WellBeing Officer of MindNation. She’s a licensed professional teacher, psychometrician, and psychologist with a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology. Her expertise in relationship, trauma, and career counseling as well as Psychological First Aid allowed us to get a better picture of what couples go through after one of them cheats.
Can couples who are dating survive cheating issues?
Eiza: “I believe couples who went through infidelity issues could still thrive in their relationship. A huge factor for the success would be their willingness to work on relationship issues, including the concerns before the cheating. The process of working out the relationship after cheating is difficult. But if both are willing to compromise and change for the better, a healthier connection could follow. If the unhealthy behavior persists and the cheating happens over again, there is a lesser probability that the relationship will work.”
So in other words, there are other underlying issues when infidelity happens?
Eiza: “Relationship concerns are mostly the result of projected emotional baggage and unresolved individual issues. It is important to take time to introspect and start working on oneself, especially for the one who cheated. Take time to explore unhealthy behavior patterns. Acknowledge these issues and be willing to work on it, not just to keep the relationship but to be a better person.
“For the partner who got cheated on, it is significant to work on self-love as infidelity could create a huge impact on one's self-esteem. It will also be helpful if the couple would undergo couples' therapy sessions to work on the issues that led to the challenge.”
Do married couples have a better chance of surviving after a cheating incident?
Eiza: “Marriage would have a stronger hold for a person to stay in the relationship, especially if the couple already has kids. The term survival could mean that the couple stayed and thrived in the relationship after cheating. But it could also mean staying just for the sake of the name, or the kids. Nonetheless, there will be a lesser chance of survival if the cheating happens several times. More so if the one who cheated is not trying to work on improving oneself.
“Cheating, no matter what form, is still cheating. And the more it happens, the more damage it inflicts on the relationship. Also, cheating could go with other vices and toxic behavior patterns, which would create more rifts in the relationship. Hence, it will not solely depend upon the marriage for the relationship to work after cheating.”
Would you offer different advice for married couples who are going through this issue?
Eiza: “It will be the same advice for the couple. In addition, for the married ones with kids, I hope the rebuilding of the relationship is not just for the sake of kids. If the couples' partnership is not founded with care, respect, and trust, it will be difficult for the kids to feel loved, even with the presence of both parents.”
What are ways that couples can rebuild trust after overcoming infidelity?
Eiza: “For the one who cheated, you must take steps that would help assure your partner of your intentions to rebuild. Your mindful actions will speak for your desire to improve the quality of your relationship. Furthermore, it will help if you provide a safe space for communication and build ways to connect by spending more time together. It will be a difficult path to work toward rebuilding, but it will be worth it. On top of it, strive to constantly work toward self-improvement. It will help to create meaningful relationships with oneself and other people.
“For the one who got cheated on, I know it's difficult to decide on taking another chance and rebuilding the relationship. You will need to conquer your fears and worries as you go through the process of healing. The slightest things that could remind you of the incident will be a constant trigger, but it will help if you establish a trusted support system outside your relationship. You may seek professional help if the experience of cheating leads to various mental health challenges.”
When should a couple or an individual seek therapy when they experience infidelity?
Eiza: “Individual and/or Couples therapy could be an intervention at the same time a prevention tool. It means that we could get help even without a clinical diagnosis or other severe relationship issues. Relationship counseling or therapy is very useful to establish ways to get to know one's partner, understand individual vulnerabilities, and work on promoting better emotional management, financial management, conflict management, and other pressing relationship topics that need to be discussed.
“It will be helpful to facilitate discussions with the presence of a therapist to provide a safe space for the couple to express. Some relationship discussions are usually confronted during conflict scenarios, which will not help to be rational about the current problem at hand. It will be helpful to create a platform where the partners will be prepared to talk about important relationship matters.”
The psychologist also adds, “In the Philippines, the stigma surrounding therapy is heightened especially for couples mostly due to shame in bringing in someone else in such intimate parts of the couple’s relationship. It can also be difficult to begin the process and find the right therapist that is both accessible and affordable. The MindNation Healthy Relationships WellBeing Bundle can be a great starting point for couples that seek to strengthen, repair and/or recover their relationships.”
If you’re interested to get this service, she further discusses the details, “The specialized program conducted by MindNation’s licensed relationship therapists cover fundamentals from understanding each individual person to the dynamics of the relationships, and uncovering deeper issues that affect/strain the couple.”
Overall, and as we all probably know by now, cheating is a serious issue that can cause a lot of damage to a relationship. But with the right mindset and the willingness to work on the issues, it is possible for a couple to overcome infidelity and rebuild trust.
Special thanks to Ms. Eiza Fusingan and MindNation for sharing their expert insights with us.
MindNation has an exclusive offer for our readers: Get the Healthy Relationships Bundle at 14% OFF for February 2023. This includes three 2-hour sessions with a relationship expert psychologist. There will be a one-hour individual session for each partner and two 2-hour sessions for the couple. Just send a message to MindNation via https://bit.ly/mindnation-hr-promo or email book@mindnation.com with the subject line “Healthy Relationships Promo Booking”. Follow MindNation on Facebook or Instagram to know more.
