In my 20s, I used to think that I didn’t have time for self-care. There was so much to do during weekdays that I felt drained by Friday, 6 p.m. I only slept in on weekends. Naps were already top-tier self-care for me.
I also felt guilty to take time away from doing what was considered "productive" things. Every minute should be for being good at my job or being a good daughter or partner. Self-care should take a back seat. "Sila muna," I would always tell myself. Maybe the most I would carve out for me-time was in the shower. My evening skincare routine wasn’t even consistent.
I was like this for a decade until I realized that my creativity was down, and I wasn’t a pleasant person to be with either. I almost quit my job, and I resented other people who had it "better" than me. I had a bad temper and hated any form of interaction. I blamed external factors for my "losses." I was giving so much of myself to my job and servicing others that I started running on an empty tank.
I was giving so much of myself to my job and servicing others that I started running on an empty tank.
My self-care journey didn’t begin with me writing down a list of aesthetic to-do's filled with pampering activities. Sure, those could help, but I was in a bad headspace that my repair should start internally first. Self-care is more than just pretty skincare routines and eating in Instagrammable coffee shops. It’s about prioritizing your relationship with yourself.
Julia Robert’s character in the film, Runaway Bride, didn’t even know what kind of eggs she liked which represents that she didn’t know what she wanted in life or a partner. I took inspiration from this tidbit and I applied the exercise to myself. I began my journey to self-care by asking this question: What do I really want?
From my personal style and hobbies to my dating non-negotiables, I was able to figure out what I wanted and despised. I also discovered my "why" or the reason for achieving certain goals. I would ask myself "Am I doing it for myself or to impress others?" to go back if my goal would align with what I really wanted.
I allotted time for hobbies I had forgotten. I also paid attention to my fitness and eating habits, not just for vanity but for actual health benefits. I began implementing a hard stop during work days to recharge and be productive the next day. I've cut off connections that no longer serve me, and in turn, I live a more peaceful life. (Yes, setting boundaries is a form of self-care.)
Self-care is also recognizing failure. My mom would always say, "Losing is still winning." She explained that by letting go, you're giving space to an experience that would make you better. I've "lost" many times, but I wouldn't have it any other way because not getting what I desired led to where I am today. My past mistakes allowed me to reach goals I never thought I would EVER achieve.
My journey to self-care isn't at its peak yet. I'm still learning and unlearning certain habits and mindsets. There are still days when I would spiral—from these moments I would eventually understand that pausing is important for me to go forward. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it helps me find my bearing again which has been lost when I feel overwhelmed.
I also discovered that self-care is not just for weekends—I could do it even while I'm working. Standing up and doing quick stretches or just walking outside helps me recharge or calm myself down during stressful situations. The short breaks, although not equivalent to a vacation, have helped me power through challenging days.
Self-care is a journey, not a destination. It's something you do regularly for life, but it's worth working on. I promise.
Put yourself on the top of your list. When you know you know your worth—you're aware of what I can bring to the table and what you deserve. When you're kinder to yourself, you set yourself up to be more effective in your relationships and other aspects of your life. A well-rested, well-nourished, and confident version of you is more likely to be patient, kind, and productive. When you're in a good place, you're able to give more to others.
I hope you take the time and start your self-care journey today. It's the most valuable gift you can give yourself for your happiness and well-being.
