I think we can all agree that the best thing about the Christmastime is the Spotify yearly wrap up. But this year, people are making it even better by sharing what theirs would be if it focused on their sex lives instead of their listening habits. And omg, they're so relatable. Well...mainly the ones about not getting laid ONCE.
- "You revisited a track from 2017, and realized why you didn't listen in 2018. Two new albums popped up this year, one seems to be your anthem for 2019—and maybe even 2020? (The answer is yes!) [via]
- "You logged three times as many hours listening alone versus listening with a friend or partner." [via]
- "Congratulations! You enjoyed one partner 96 times, felt meh about that partner five times, enjoyed some toys 43 times, and felt meh about one other partner once. You watched 3.7 hours of porn, focusing especially on [redacted]." [via]
- "Eight new artists. 20 total sessions. Caught feelings for two. Artist Of The Year: Handsome Hotel Manager. Favorite New Artist: Guy I met on Tinder that I was pretty sure was a catfish but I was pleasantly surprised when he wasn't." [via]
- "You discovered four new artists and a new genre of lesbian sex, but you really vibed with a sadistic Dom." [via]
- "No Data Found." [via]
- "Thank you for resubscribing after a year and a half of no listening—would you like to pick up where you left off?” Top Genre: Emotionally Unavailable Fuccboi." [via]
- "Top Genre: Tied and Whipped. Top 3 New Songs: Anal Alley, Spankalicious, Wandy McSquirtsalot. Top Artists: Dominant (featuring submissive)." [via]
- "In 2019, you discovered 23 new kinks that you enjoy!" [via]
- Your Top Hits:
Zach with the piercings
Bella who shared her weed
Your ex you shouldn't call
Your Top Genres:
Degrader
Sadist
Submissive
Vanilla
Hentai [via] - "We're having trouble finding your activity." [via]
- "I found my favorite band and played their music 24/7. Then one day, someone else played their music, and I didn't like that band anymore." [via]
- "I don't have an account." [via]
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.
