So it’s Women’s Month, a special time for us ladies. Other than cheering for each other and making a toast to commemorate the occasion, we thought of giving our sisters something special: a cheat sheet on online dating.
We huddled with our girlfriends to compare notes, talk about men’s red flags, and swap stories to bring you this declassified intel on how it REALLY is like “out there.”
Now, a disclaimer: We’re not here to demonize online dating. We actually have no problem that it has now become the norm. And we know of wonderful success stories about people who met online and are now happily married. We share this to give you a safety toolkit because it’s undeniable– meeting people online is risky. So risky, in fact, that the police have issued public warnings about it.
One such bulletin from the Philippine National Police Anti-Cybercrime Group was straight to the point about it, saying: “Scammers take advantage of people looking for romantic partners, often via dating websites, apps or social media by pretending to be prospective companions. They play on emotional triggers to get you to provide money, gifts or personal details.”
Still, if you’re one of those who believe you’ll meet Mr. Right in cyberspace, here’s our gift for you: profiles of the 5 types of dudes you should avoid online.
5 Types Of Guys You Should Avoid While Dating Online
1. The Lonely Love Bomber
Mr. Love Bomber would waste no time making you fall. From the moment you match, he’d kill you with compliments and tell you how excited he is to meet you. And when you do, he would make you feel like he’s head over heels, melting you with eye contact, dinner and cinema treats multiple times a week. He’s the type who would tell you to your face after your fourth date in just two weeks: “You mean the world to me.” And when you’re not together, he’d consistently call or text to check on you. Naturally, he’d make you think you may have found a keeper.
That is until after Week 3, when he’d start being two hours late for dates if not cancelling entirely, citing dubious reasons like some horrible car mishap or a trip to the E.R. But then he’d turn up the next day and he and the car are totally fine.
By Week 4, he’s a ghost. No more calls or texts. No more liking your posts on social media. No more eager invitations to dates. As intense as the first couple of weeks were between the two of you, as hard does your thing– whatever it is– come crashing down. He’d already moved on to the next target for his love explosives. You’d probably hear from him again a few months later, if you hadn’t blocked him yet. Then again, by that time, he was just bored and lonely, and you were merely an afterthought.
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2. The Perpetual Player
This dude may be an actual player– an athlete so used to applause and attention, it has built up some ego of superiority and manliness, he thinks there is nothing wrong treating romance as a game.
His dating profile would probably catch your eye with some shots of him in action: scoring a goal, getting down and dirty on the pitch, or else coaching little kids, which would make you go “awww.”
Once you match, he’d invite you to an intimate date, and then bring you to one of his games. You’d be so taken by seeing him on the pitch, gushing in the bleachers as you watch him in all that sweaty action. He’d later bring you to meet his friends at a sports bar, and you’d feel so special.
But then, the red flags come waving. You may accidentally see a woman’s sweet message to him while you’re together. Or he’d walk far away from you to take a call. And then one day he’d just disappear. It would be a couple of weeks when he tells you he had suffered from a major injury, but this would be an obvious lie, because he’s all over social media with another woman. Then you’d realize, you had unknowingly been playing a game, and by that point, you’re out.
3. The Rushing Romeo
This Romeo would have a decent profile. Good education, a nice job, plus an explicit line that says: “I’m looking for something real.” He looks like a genuinely good man, too, judging by that photo of him doing some volunteer work. Plus he’s ripped, and he’s confident enough to share it on his profile via a beach photo to whet your appetite even more.
And then wow, you match. From the get go, he sounds like the ideal guy, and you talk about serious things on your first date– deep stuff that none of your other superficial dates would dare venture into.
And so you’d agree to go on a second date, where he’d hold your hand from across the candle-lit table, wear his serious face and say: “I want you to become the mother of my children.” Those words immediately trigger your flight-or-flight response. Your internal dialogue goes: “But we just met a few days ago!” Your gut falls into a pit, and your instinct tells you: “RUN!”
4. The Dude in Distress
This dude is on a dating app for just one thing: he needs your help. This guy may not be entirely that bad. He is just in such desperation that he resorts to dating to solve his problems, which is simply not right. Any guy who can’t even stand on his own two feet should first think about building his life, not dating.
When you first match, he won’t strike you as such. He’d even be eager to meet, and so you oblige. But as soon as you do, his real motives would come to light real quick. For one, he’d invite you to a park. Not to dinner or coffee– a park. He’d then explain that he couldn’t take you on a real date because, well, he’s broke.
And then, he’d go on to tell you this sad story about how his family had run into financial trouble and that they all rely on him to solve their problems. In less than 30 minutes, you’d get the picture: this guy just needs you to save him.
5. The Smooth Scammer
And finally, the scammer. This type abounds on dating sites. The scammer would usually use a photo of a super attractive man’s man. He’s usually a doctor, a lawyer, a businessman, or else a military guy.
Once you match, he’d tell you he’s already at the airport and that you just missed him by a day. Too bad you couldn’t meet in person, he’d sigh. But he’d keep in touch every day, showering you with affection. He’d ask you about your day: “Have you had dinner?” “How was work?” “Hope you got a good night’s sleep.”
After a while, you’d start wondering why he’d never call. And once you finally convince him to move from text to audio, you find out why he had been evasive. He has this strange accent that doesn’t quite match his photo. It would be quite obvious. Another red flag? He refuses to do video calls, making excuses like the camera on his device doesn’t work, he’s not allowed to do video calls in the workplace, et cetera, et cetera.
Dudes like these play the long game. Some spend months making victims fall for them before asking them to send cash for various reasons. There are well-documented cases of these love scammers globally, with an estimated US$1.3 billion in losses among US victims in 2022 alone. And they are everywhere: not just on dating sites but anywhere there’s an opportunity to meet potential victims. So beware. The guy you just swiped right on may not even be real.
And there you go. Our cheat sheet to online dating to help you avoid the rotten ones online. Use this information well and share with your girlfriends. We sincerely hope that you stay safe while dating, whether virtually or in the real world. We’re rooting for your success in your quest for love.
