I turn 30 in less than a month, and it seems like everyone is panicking about where I'm at in life except me. From the usual "Where do you see yourself in five years?" to the more invasive "Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?", I've heard it all. But seeing as I enter a whole new decade in 2023, the *well-meaning* titas and titos are out in full-force this year—especially during the holiday reunions.
Their main concern? My love life—or lack thereof.
Despite it being seen as a tradition of sorts for older relatives or friends of your parents to grill you on your romantic prospects, apparently the realization that I'm turning the big three-zero means my biological clock is ticking at double speed. And while I've gotten used to fielding uncomfortable questions left and right ("Bakit wala ka pang BF?" "Tita, I'm busy with work eh."), maybe it's time I made things clear.
Please stop asking me when I'll have a boyfriend, get married, or have kids.
Turning 30 already has my Capricorn self anxious AF—I love having goals, but being asked about my five-year plan for the umpteenth time doesn't inspire confidence. And the constant bombardment of questions about marriage and (future) kids has got to stop.
It's not as if I don't want that Happy Ever After—eventually. I *love* weddings, and recently attended my best friend's wedding where I cried a bucketload of tears during the reception. So yes, I'm not ruling out tying the knot with my future S.O., whoever they may be. But if I don't end up seeing an engagement ring in the cards, that' doesn't mean I'm a failure of a person. There is nothing wrong if you don't desire the Big Wedding Day with the White Dress and Instagram hashtag and SDE video shown at your reception—YOU DO YOU.
Right now, I already feel myself stretched thin attempting to maintain a work-life balance with a demanding career, while making time for my family and friends, and that leaves me with little "me time" to enjoy my own interests (true crime and K-pop, IYCYW). Even thinking about being in a relationship—much less the hypothetical marriage and kids—seems like an impossible task RN.
Tbh, there's still so much I want to do before even thinking of living that life of wedded bliss. Travel solo to see the world, for example, or possibly getting a master's degree abroad (notice that recurring theme?). So no, tita, just because you were already married with kids at my age doesn't mean I need to follow your set of standards. Life doesn't follow a linear plan of marriage-plus-kids by 30.
And besides, at this point in my life I'm not even sure I want kids. No, I don't think I'll be changing my mind any time soon. And I don't need a spouse or kids to "feel complete", thank you very much—I'm a whole person on my own. And I will take care of *myself* when I grow old—It's why I'm working hard to add to my savings. Children should not be your retirement plan. All these reasons sound like excuses to me, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to live a child-free life.
So please try and see things from my point of view. In today's society there shouldn't be a countdown because of a woman's so-called "biological clock." Why haven't we done away with imaginary deadlines that lead to unreleastic expectations of "having it all" (a house, a husband, and kids) in order to be an accomplished woman? Why rush me to the wedding aisle when I haven't found the right person yet—and more importantly, why should I choose someone to marry *right now* just for the sake of conveniently tying the knot before I'm 30? I'm saying no, hard stop. Why is marriage still seen as the Ultimate Endgame for a "proper" relationship?
To all my well-meaning relatives, I'll find a boyfriend/get married/have kids in my own time—if I choose to do so. Why do we still promote draconian, constricting ideals for women? Call me progressive, call me selfish—I don't care. No matter how many times you ask me about my non-existent boyfriend, it doesn't change the fact that I can and *will* make my own choices in life.
Also, I just want to let you know that the current state of my reproductive system has absolutely nothing to do with you. You're not my OB-GYN, for starters. So please, let me be the one to worry about my ovaries.
Lastly—it can be quite expensive to organize a wedding and raise a child nowadays. So unless you're offering to be a ninang or ninong and pay for my wedding (and my hypothetical child's tuition fees), to avoid ruining the mood and hurt feelings, let's talk about something else at the next reunion. Like the most recent TV series we both watched—that should be a safe-enough topic.
READ MORE HERE:
What Being Single At 27 Years Old Has Taught Me
5 Couples Talk About Their Decision To Not Have Any Kids
Women Get Real About Why They Turned Down Marriage Proposals
