If you're ~*single*~ on Valentine's Day, you are not alone.
A recent Social Weather Survey (SWS) said 19 percent of Filipinos labeled themselves single these days, continuing a trend that began in 2011, when data showed an increase in the number of Filipinos with "no love life."
The SWS Social Weather Survey on Personal Assessment of Love Life, carried out from December 8-11, 2023, also showed a relatively equal number of single male and female, that's about 28 and 27 percent, respectively.
READ: Survey: Filipinos Think Money Is The ~*Best*~ Gift To Receive On Valentine's Day
Women on choosing the *single* life
In a 2023 survey by the Survey Center on American Life, roughly 45 percent of the population of women aged 18 to 29 in America were recorded to have a single status, and this was attributed to women's inclusivity in more professional opportunities.
As reported, more women are embracing singlehood and "reducing the immediate economic necessity of marriage" as they "became more financially independent."
The report added that "shifting views about gender roles and legal changes to divorce law" also contributed to the singlehood phenomenon.
In the Philippines, a 2021 study from dating app, Bumble showed that most Filipino women chose to be "consciously single," with 77 percent of respondents expressing positive thoughts on being single.
READ: Your Beginner's Guide To Bumble, If You're New To Dating Apps
10 Pinays making a case about singlehood
We also asked a number of Pinays to tell us more about their choice to stay single. These Pinays are a mix of NBSB (no boyfriend since birth), ladies in their lover-girl eras, and some in their complicated love life period. We think, most single ladies out there, could totally relate to their sentiments!
Jyan, 23 years old: She has been single for over two years now. When asked about her choice to be single, she says it wasn't really a choice for her. However, as a fresh-out-of-college girlie, she knew being single at this point in her life just made sense.
"I really didn’t have a choice at first. Standards are impossible; expectations are beyond them, but over time, it just makes sense. I’m a 23-year-old fresh graduate at her first job with a total lust for independence and self-sufficiency. I don’t think I really have the time and will to not prioritize my own sanity at this time and age. Of course, there are times that I get jealous of people who are happily in love, stable, and not alone. But I guess the right guy is just busy with his own stability as well," Jyan explained.
The best thing about being single for Jyan: "No responsibility. Less expectations. More time for self-reflection and meeting and studying the different personalities of different people I meet without the burden of having to entertain them in a romantic way. In my two years of being single, I finally know what I want in a forever partner without debating how much change I should put in myself to reach the impossible standard of the common man."
Anne Cortez, 25 years old: Anne has been living her life as a single woman for three years already. She candidly shared about losing a big part of her after her partner passed away in 2020. That's why for the past three years, she has learned to find herself in many ways that she can. Most importantly, loving herself more than she ever did in the past.
"I lost a big part of me when my partner passed away last 2020. Healing is not linear, and I’ve spent the last 3 years finding myself again. Reintroducing my own self to me, ganon. And loving me even more because we can’t pour from an empty cup," Anne said.
The best thing about being single for Anne: "More time with family, friends, and self! Plus the freedom of thinking about your own lang; discovering yourself better."
Lucy, 27 years old: For seven years, Lucy has enjoyed being single. She admits to starting a relationship way too early, making her experience the downside of falling in love too fast. Despite the heartbreak, Lucy has learned to focus on herself better, giving her more chances to improve and to be the best version of herself before committing once again. Side note: She's actually having the time of her life being a K-pop fangirl! She's a Carat too!
"Since maaga ako lumandi noon, napunta 'yung focus sa guy instead of myself. Kaya ngayon lang ako bumabawi sa sarili ko. Self muna ngayon. Inii-spoil ko muna self ko. Trying to be a better "me" first (emotionally, financially, physically) before entering into another relationship. Kasi 'pag hindi ako prepared, baka masaktan lang ulit not only me, but the other person as well," Lucy declared.
The best thing about being single for Lucy: "Best thing is I can do whatever I want without having to ask permission or what. I can have more time for myself, family, friends, and K-pop. (Pero 'yung totoo hinihintay ko lang talaga si Wonwoo kaya single ako HAHAHA)"
Akyll, 28 years old: Akyll has never been in an official relationship. Although it's basically life in general that has led to her singlehood—being a career-driven woman and a fangirl as well—she says, it's also about waiting for the one. She does not mind waiting for the right one. After all, she just wants to make the best decision, slowly but surely.
"I am 28 & an NBSB... Because no one comes along? Just kidding. I was busy. I'm always busy, with my tough life & fangirling. Also maybe, I am still waiting for the right one to come along. I want to wait rather than settle down in haste."
The best thing about being single for Akyll: "As an introvert who enjoys silence, I have more time for myself, to be myself. I'm in charge of my happiness and have more time to build my self-esteem. Still fighting with my struggles, but I'll get there, slowly and surely."
Maui, 20 years old: Maui is young and full of potential. But she's the type of person who's overwhelmed with her inexperience, especially in the love department. She worries about a lot of things when it comes to relationships, like her family and of course her standards in men. Anyway, she's just 20, and learning the ways of life—just like all of us. Interestingly, despite her distant approach to relationships, she has learned to appreciate love in its many, many forms.
"They’re a lot (of reasons why I'm single) but most of them boil down to these: First, my fear of being inexperienced (like in everything). I feel like guys (these days) won't actually get interested in someone inexperienced with dating—and I know na it’s not their job but it’s hard to feel comfortable when you know na you’re making the relationship harder because you’re inexperienced. Plus, I feel like they’re more bound to just tolerate me or cheat on me if ever kasi I won’t be able to satisfy some of their needs kasi I don’t know how to (either intimately or emotionally or as a whole lang rin talaga).
Second, I’m scared of my family. It’s not na they’re not letting me date, pero I see how they treat the boyfriends within our family (like sa mga pinsan ko, they would talk about him when he’s gone or be extra judgey). I wouldn’t want my future boyfriend to always be wary of them, scared of them, or for them to say something to him. I love him, and I wouldn’t want him to not feel comfortable and thinking na he lacks in any aspect or na he needs to prove something. I also think na this makes it harder for me to date/like/find someone kasi I always have to think of my family—will he be able to get along with them? Please them? I think it’s so unhealthy as a whole so I’m saving the guys from it.
Last but not the least reason: Wala lang talagang pumapasa for me? Maybe I’m just picky, hahaha!" Maui enthusiastically told Cosmo.
The best thing about being single for Maui: "You learn to appreciate love in more forms. You see love in more places. And you learn to appreciate how people show their love differently. Dati kasi it’s always the big gestures, 'yung "if they wanted to they would" idea pero now I learned na 'yung ganoong idea leads to just a never-ending cycle of craving for more. Now I learned to appreciate 'yung different forms of love. And na bigger isn’t always better—kasi like remembering the small details sometimes matter more than the big grand gestures (like iba 'yung dating sa'kin dati 'nung naalala 'nung gusto ko na mahilig ako kumain ng noodles sa kaldero straight up rather than 'nung binigyan niya ko ng chocolates 'nung Valentine's lol)
Selene, 25 years old: Selene has been single since birth and she doesn't want to settle for less. She has ultimately learned the ways of becoming a ~strong and independent~ lady. Bottomline: Selene knows her worth and she's willing to wait for the right person.
"I haven't found anyone impressive, honestly. I know it sounds like I think highly of myself but I think the bar is so low and, still, no one can reach it. I don't want to settle for just any person who approaches me. If I don't like them on the get-go, then I don't. Besides, I'm really not actively looking for a partner at the moment, so all the more reason not to settle for just anyone,"
The best thing about being single for Selene: "I think of it as being a sole plant in a pot. It gives you a lot of room to grow and you can dote on yourself as much as you want. When you're independent and have experienced a lot of things on your own, you're also making yourself relationship-BS-proof. When you know you don't like something about a potential partner, you're less afraid to let them go."
Maria, 25 years old: It's a necessary step for Maria to enter a relationship with a healthy and clear state-of-mind. She has never been in any relationship for a lot of reasons. But ultimately, at 25 years old, she just wants to be the best version of herself to become the best girlfriend that she can.
"First, I don't want to bring unresolved issues in a relationship. Second, I don't want to find someone just because I fear of missing out. Third, it's expensive (to date). With the dating scene today, we get to choose if we want to be in a relationship with dating apps. Also, I'm not saying I have to be perfect to enter a relationship. Gusto ko lang na at least kilala ko na 'yung sarili ko bago pumasok sa relasyon kasi as of now, 50% pa lang.75% pwede na hehe. Gusto ko din kasi yung magla-last kami. Paano magla-last kung 'di mo ko kilala at puro facade lang pala pinakita ko? 'Yung sa gastos, as an alipin at nabuhay ng pandemic at nasanay sa work-from-home na hindi nababawasan sweldo everyday para sa commute, unless trip na talaga kita, di ako lalabas," Maria stated.
The best thing about being single for Maria: "I guess I can be as selfish as I can. Ako lang gastos, ako lang schedule, ako lang may trip."
Nancy: It hasn't been long since Nancy ended her past relationship. But it seems that it doesn't bother her at all since she's always on the go. With everything that's happening in her life, she's just out there making the best out of everything as a single lady!
"Quoting Taylor Swift, "there’s a lot going on at the moment," haha! I’m currently managing two shops, full-time and doing design work. I'm also trying to make it through adulting after recently moving out of my family’s home. I'm also currently pursuing hobbies I have not had the time to pursue when I was studying; I have running goals and I've set my mind to achieving them this year. Plus, I’m always on the go, traveling and going places," Nancy shared.
The best thing about being single for Nancy: "Not having to compromise. Don’t get me wrong though; compromising keeps a relationship healthy. I just probably need the time to have myself at my fullest."
Je, 28 years old: Je hasn't been in a proper boyfriend-girlfriend situation before, but she's not a rookie when it comes to love. She had her fair share of chances to be in a relationship, but the timing wasn't right. Now that she's almost at the peak of her career, she cannot find the time to date. However, she's optimistic that the best guy is just around.
"I guess I had chances of choosing to not be single since college however I haven't really looked at relationships as something that needs to be romantic for it to be special. Actually, ngayon, gusto ko na jumowa pero time and day-to-day duty won't be of much help to that. And real talk lang, wala kasi nagkakagusto na gusto ko rin," Je opened up.
The best thing about being single for Je: "Self-awareness. I've learned to become more aware of what I want, what I need, and what I should become. Not that I could compare myself to someone who had a relationship before but I know that if I ever get into a relationship, my partner will always influence my thoughts and actions, as I think it's just right to be that way. Tama lang naman na you include in your considerations people who you are close with, 'di ba? And if I ever get into a relationship right now, at least I would not be bothered about figuring out myself while I also figure him out, haha, since two complete strangers kami sa isa't isa (if ever). At least getting to know each other wouldn't be so demanding and frustrating if, at my end, I'd look for things that I don't even have."
Jing, 30 years old: It has been too long since Jing was in a relationship. Now in her thirties, she still believes that the love she has now is just enough for herself—and it's not a big deal. She's patiently waiting for the day when she can finally fully devote herself to a new relationship, that's way better and wiser than all the relationships she had before.
"I think the love I carry right now is just enough to love myself and I think it's fine to admit that. I don't want to be unfair and half-ass in a relationship when I know I can't give my 100% affection just yet. I'm not looking right now but it doesn't mean I won't look ever," Jing noted.
The best thing about being single for Jing: "I can impulsively decide on things without having to consider another person's. If I wanna go somewhere, I don't need to wait for someone else's schedule to be available. I could just go."
How about you, what's the best thing about being single for you?
